John McCain Plans to Do Something "Exciting." His Heart Doctor is VERY Nervous.

I honestly believe that John McCain wants Obama to win this election. In a country where you have to win a good portion of the South and the Midwest to take the presidency, McCain can realistically take a nap until Election Day and still have a fairly good chance of taking this thing.

Because Obama's a Muslim. And his Christian Pastor is crazy, too. Obviously.

Fuckin' rednecks. Anyway,

(CNN) – John McCain will directly address rival Barack Obama Thursday night, in an ad the Arizona senator's campaign is calling "exciting and unprecedented."

OoooooOOOoooooOOOooooo exciting and unprecendented? Um...yeah. I'd gladly empty my bank account and wager all of my money that the ad is going to be another stupid mudslinging piece of shit that will try to argue that Obama is either too young, too well-liked, or too kickass to be president. Or some such shit.

The ad, set to run in crucial battleground states, is the McCain campaign's latest in a series of attempts to pull media attention away from the Democratic National convention as Obama gets ready to accept his party's presidential nomination.

Good luck there, Orville Redenbacher. I'm sure your new commercial about tax policies and a free Rascal program for your bingo-night buddies is going to beat out Stevie Wonder, Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, N.E.R.D., and Sheryl Crow, not to mention the first time a presidential candidate has ever accepted the nomination in front of a GI-FUCKIN-NORMOUS crowd of actual people, not just douchebags with old-timey barbershop hats and dumbass pins.

The McCain campaign would reveal little details about the commercial,

"It's crotchety, I can tell you that much," said an insider to the McCain camp.

but said it would air around the time Obama is slated to speak before an estimated 75,000 spectators at Invesco field.

Maybe he'll surprise everybody. Maybe this will be a news-worthy commerical. Maybe he'll drop the N Bomb? He was alive during slavery, right?