Shockingly, Pope Doesn't Like Crucifrog

Before I get to the article in question, I'd like to give you a quick history of crucifixion, with a little help from my bestest wikifriendia:

Crucifixion probably originated with ancient Persians. There is evidence, that captured pirates were crucified in the port of Athens in the 7th century BC. Alexander the Great introduced the practice throughout his empire. He once crucified a general who disagreed with his campaign plans.

... And then the Romans...

Crucifixion was used for slaves, rebels, pirates and especially-despised enemies and criminals. Therefore crucifixion was considered a most shameful and disgraceful way to die. Condemned Roman citizens were usually exempt from crucifixion (like feudal nobles from hanging, dying more honorably by decapitation) except for major crimes against the state, such as high treason.

So for longer than John McCain's been alive (zing! motherfucker!), people have been punishing criminals by way of crucifixion. So who fucking cares that there's a stupid piece of "art" depicting a frog being killed in similar fashion, right? Oh, that's right. The Pope.

A modern art sculpture portraying a crucified green frog holding a beer mug and an egg that Pope Benedict has condemned as blasphemous may have its days numbered.

What! Come on! How is it fucking blasphemous?! 1. It's a frog. Jesus? Not a frog(...or was he?). 2. Frog holding egg and beer mug. Jesus? Did not die holding either a beer mug or an egg. (...or did he?) 3. As I pointed out earlier, thousands and thousands of criminals were killed in this fashion... If he had put a little sign under it saying like, "This frog was a murderer", would it have been ok then? People worship Aliens, for fuck's sake, but you don't hear Tom Cruise complaining about their portrayal in shit movies like Signs or something. Does that analogy make the slightest bit of sense? I can't really tell. Anyway. Why are Crucifrog's days numbered?

The board of the Museion museum in the northern city of Bolzano were meeting on Thursday to choose whether to side with the pope and other opponents of the frog or with proponents who say it should be defended as a work of art.

Look. I get that they're in Italy and everyone over there loves Jesus, like a lot or whatever. But seriously, don't you assholes have better shit to do? Also, I'd like to point out I'm not defending it as a work of art. It's a fucking stupid frog being crucified while holding an egg and a beer mug, it's fucking dumb. Oooooh how weird and out there, better say I like even though I don't fucking get it and it looks retarded. I'd also like to point out that this frog has "opponents".

The wooden sculpture by the late German artist Martin Kippenberger depicts a frog about 1 meter 4 feet high nailed to brown cross and holding a beer mug in one outstretched hand and an egg in another.

That's awesome that the thing is so huge, actually. I think I kind of like it now.

Called "Zuerst die Fuesse," (Feet First), it wears a green loin cloth and is nailed through the hands and the feet in the manner of Jesus Christ. Its green tongue hangs out of its mouth.

"In the manner of Jesus Christ" as opposed to say, "In the manner of literally thousands of criminals". I mean shit, two other guys - criminals - were crucified right next to Jesus. Also, there's a picture of the fucking thing at the top of the article, I'm not sure why they feel the need to describe it again, like someone is going to read this and be like "oooh so it's his tongue that's hanging out of his mouth!"

Museum officials in the northern bi-lingual Alto Adige region near the Austrian border said the artist, who died in 1997, considered it a self-portrait illustrating human angst.

...So... Mr. Kippinger thought of himself as... a frog who really liked beer and eggs? It's not easy being green? I... one groom! two grooms!? But he.. But I.. Oooooh my medication. Anyway, this is rigoddamndiculous.

Pope Benedict, who is German himself and was recently on holiday not far from Bolzano, obviously did not agree.

I'm curious to know what exactly Joey "The Rat Zinger" Ratzinger's heritage has to do with anything. Hey! He's a German, I'm part German, what say we pretend this whole thing never happened!

The Vatican wrote a letter of support in the pope's name to Franz Pahl, president of the regional government who opposed the sculpture.

"Surely this is not a work of art but a blasphemy and a disgusting piece of trash that upsets many people," [Franz] Pahl[president of the regional government who opposed the sculpture.] told Reuters by telephone as the museum board was meeting.

See, I'd be willing to meet you halfway on this one, but you had to use the blasphemy word. How is it blasphemous, exactly?

The Vatican letter said that the work "wounds the religious sentiments of so many people who see in the cross the symbol of God's love."

Oooooh I am soooo sorry! I wounded your religious sentiment with my frog sculpture! Even if I were a devout Catholic or something, I think I'd be more confused than offended by the thing, I think mainly because of the beer mug and the egg... what the fuck is up with those things? And is the symbol of God's love really tainted by a frog? Really? I get it. It's your symbol for God's love. You know what else it is? A fucking lower case t.

The museum then moved the statue out of its foyer and into a less trafficked area on the third floor.
But Pahl's opposition was unflagging and he has threatened to resign as regional president unless it is removed altogether.

God I hope he quits. "Why'd you resign?" "They refused to move a statue of a frog." "Oh..."

Art experts defend the work.
"Art must always be free and the artist should not have any restrictions on freedom of expression," Claudio Strinati, a superintendent for Rome's state museums, told an Italian newspaper on Thursday.

He then added, "To be fair though, it's a fucking 7 foot statue of a fucking frog being crucified while holding an egg and a beer stein, so what the fuck do I know."