Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Ooo, look. Berbalerbs is mad at something someone wrote about the Mets. How novel.

Someone from a really ignorant Mets blog wrote something really ignorant. Let's make fun, shall we?

In Defense Of The Wilpons: Are The Mets Heading To The Junkyard?
Think back to that first car you owned. Wont [sic] it always have a special place in your heart?
Ok, I'll spare you the rest of this lede, mostly because it's wordy and appropos to NOTHING ELSE IN THE FUCKING BLOG POST. But mostly it's blah blah loved the car but then it started to break down blah blah eventually couldn't just throw money at it, and you had to get rid of it.
I’m wondering when the Wilpon’s [sic] will reach this point—if they haven’t already.
Ok, so at this point, maybe the article's going to talk about how the Wilpons have treated their ownership of the Mets a bit irresponsibly, as a teenager might treat his/her first car. Maybe they valued the shinyness of its hood over the power of the engine? I don't know. I didn't construct this tortured metaphor.

But no. That is not the direction this web log poster decided to take. This interweb writer decided to take a sharp left-hand turn to Fuckwit Township.
Yes, the Wilpons have been criticized and crucified for not giving us our elusive 3rd Championship...But in their defense, do they deserve all the blame?
No. Not all the blame. But a hefty fucking percentage of the blame, yes.
True they should have spent money better, wiser. Just throwing a lot of big dollars at players does not guarantee victory.
If you're wondering, those two sentences completely undermine the rest of the post. This is the next sentence. The very. Next. Sentence:
However, when all is said and done, we have the 3rd highest payroll in Baseball.
Wouldn't that whole thing look a lot more sensible if you switched those two thoughts around?
When all is said and done, we have the 3rd highest payroll in Baseball. However, just throwing a lot of big dollars at players does not guarantee victory.
See? Doesn't that make your brain hurt a lot less?
Tell someone in Pittsburgh or Kansas City that our owners don’t want to win.
Berbalerbs: Hey, someone in Pittsburgh or Kansas City?
SIPOKC: What's up?
Berbalerbs: Our owners don't seem like they want to win.
SIPOKC: Fair assessment. Wanna make a suicide pact?
Berbalerbs: Boy, do I!!!
They have opened their wallets time and time again.
On players like Oliver Perez. And Luis Castillo. And Alex Cora. And Gary Fucking Matthews Fucking Jr. (fucking.)
They have put the best product on the field and given us the tools needed to build a championship.
Our "best product, championship-building toolshed" included Mike Jacobs hitting cleanup on Opening Day this year. And before you say "he was there due to another player being injured," that other player was Daniel Murphy. No disrespect to Murph, but come. The fuck. On.
Take a step back.
Cuz you standin' on mah dick!!! Tee hee. Ahem, sorry.
Don’t look at who we haven’t gotten but who we HAVE.
Get ready for this folks. This is an INVALUABLE lesson for us all to learn, ESPECIALLY anyone planning on a career in politics: If you ignore any and all context to a situation, you can argue anything!!! Let's begin:
We signed future Hall of Famer Pedro Martinez.
After his prime. For too many years and too much money. Look, I'll be the first to say it was a good signing, but mostly because it restored some credibility to a team that had been UTTER SHIT for like 4 years. It likely helped them land Beltran, and indeed, in 2006 we almost made the World Series with Pedro on the team. But by the end of that season, the cracks began to show as we were counting on a LOT of people past their prime (Pedro, El Duque, Glavine) to lead us to glory. But I digress.
Then signed another future Hall of Famer in Tom Glavine, both who definitely know a thing or two about winning pressure games.
Glavine we covered above, but I just wanted to add in that line about "knowing a thing or two about winning pressure games," like that's...a thing.
We locked up 5 tool superstar Carlos Beltran for 7 years in the prime of his career.
Yup. Score one for the front office!!!


Oh, and while I'm being bitchy, the blog this was posted on (which refers to itself as "The Ultimate Baseball Site for Die-Hard Mets fans derp derp derp") consistently brings up the fact that the 2010 Mets "started losing as soon as Beltran came back," because if you were paying attention in Science class, correlation ALWAYS equals causation. But yea, Mr. Clubhouse Cancer is all of a sudden a championship tool when it's convenient.
We acquired slugger Carlos Delgado who, as his career was winding down, had a deep seeded desire to play in a World Series.
First part: granted, especially the "career winding down" part. Second part: objection, your honor. Relevance?
We signed the best LHP in the game in Johan Santana
Woah woah woah woah woah. Anything about that seem weird to you? Like, maybe that he wasn't on the team when Pedro and Glavine were here? And when he arrived here, John Maine and Oliver Perez were considered our #2 and #3 guys?
When our bullpen crumbled we obtained Francisco Rodriguez fresh off his record 62 saves.
Which was the opposite of a productive way to fix the problem. Our ENTIRE bullpen crumbled, not just our closer. So you give a RIDICULOUSLY HIGH contract (and I'm not saying this just because of Baby-Mama's-Daddy-PunchGate, $15 mill+ a year for a relief pitcher not named Mariano Rivera is silly) based on one of the worst stats in baseball, the save? And yea I get that they signed Putz that same year, but making a recognizable, past-his-prime closer your eighth inning guy and having NOTHING behind that isn't a strategy. Putz predictably wanted to be a closer again (whether or not his performance warrants it), so you knew he wasn't sticking around. And K-Rod hits old people, so...y'know.
We brought in Gary Sheffield for his veteran presence and post-season experience.

I'm verklempt. I need a minute.
Talk amongst yourselves. I'll give you a topic:

Gary Sheffield is neither an example of a good move by ownership NOR an example of ownership spending a lot of money (being that Detroit was paying almost all of his bloated contract after RELEASING HIM FROM THEIR TEAM DUE TO HIS INABILITY TO PLAY BASEBALL WELL ANY LONGER). Discuss.
In a free agent market with limited hitting, we signed Jason Bay after he hit 36 HR’s and 119 RBI’s.
In an offseason where the Mets had dozens upon dozens of personnel matters to discuss, they signed this one guy because, HEY! You've heard of him right??? Great! He used to play for the Red Sox!!! You've heard of them, right??? GREAT! Well come on down, buy a ticket and see THAT GUY YOU'VE HEARD OF THAT USED TO PLAY FOR THAT WELL KNOWN TEAM!!!

Collective Mets fans with brains: Um...sirs? What about the rotation going into--
The Wilpon’s [sic] also hired Willie Randolph as skipper. Randolph, who by himself, has more championship rings then the entire Mets roster.
Yea, how'd that work out for them? And I'll be brief about it but PLEASE shut the FUCK up with this rings bullshit. He won them as a player, not a manager so putting that in there means NOTHING. Also, this writer presumably thinks that David Eckstein was a superior player (is? Does he still play? idunno) to Alex Rodriguez, because Ecky's got more rings. KISS THE RINGS, BITCH!
And lets not forget the fact that they gave us fans a brand new stadium to call home.
Which taxpayers chipped in around $175 million to build. But hey, it sure is nice that the tickets and food are so reasonably priced!!! Oh hey wait...
Despite all of these moves, acquisitions, free agent signings, despite the fact our payroll has increased close to 50% in 5 years, what has it gotten us? One–ONE–division title!!!
Hmmmmm now why, oh, why could that be? Was it perhaps that the moves, acquisitions and blah blah blah were more to project an image of "wanting to win" and having a "quality product" than to actually have a fucking winning product? I wonder whose fault that might be...
Oh I know! Jerry Manuel!

Hmmmm....who hired Jerry again? Oh I know, Omar Minaya!!!!

Hmmm...who hired Omar again?


I know.

Like our first car, I wonder if and when the Wilpon’s may decide to stop throwing good money after bad and try something new, something different.
Like my first car, your post was busted and shitty.