Wednesday, August 6, 2008

911 Doesn't Understand How Delicious This Sauce Really Is

In Jacksonville, or as I'd like to call it, Nazi Germany, a man was arrested for calling 911 because Subway left the sauce off his Spicy Italian Combo.

Let's hear what Subway has to say about the Spicy Italian Combo:

Here’s Old World quality in a zesty blend of pepperoni and salami slices, topped with cheese, if you please! Oil and vinegar on that, with some hot peppers? We’ll garnish it the way you say – and fresh toasting all the way through adds the crowning touch!

LIKE HELL YOU'LL GARNISH IT THE WAY I SAY. You'll do whatever you damn well please apparently. And then you wont want to pay the piper.

The sauce for a spicy Italian sandwich was apparently a must have for one Florida man. The man, Reginald Peterson, called 911 twice after a sandwich shop left off the sauce.

Right off the bat I'm a little confused. At every Subway I've ever been to, they make the sandwich right in front of your face. You literally tell them what you want on the sandwich and watch as they put it on. It seems like there is no way that this could happen. Here's one more things grinding my gear about this whole ordeal: what sauce was he putting on the spicy Italian? It doesn't specify. Was it just oil and vinegar like the blurb suggests? That doesn't seem 911 worthy, I mean you probably have oil and vinegar at your house. No, this must have been some kind of secret awesome sauce they don't want us to know about.

Peterson initially called the emergency number Thursday so that officers could have his subs made correctly, according to a police report. The second call was to complain that police officers weren't arriving fast enough

That's too awesome for words. This has to be my favorite gross misuse of taxpayer dollars in a long time. When he called back to complain that the cops were taking too long, were they actually on their way? Or did they finally come after the second time solely to teach this guy a lesson? Also, were the sandwich "artists" reprimanded for fucking up his sub? I mean let's not forget that lost in all this "he's a nutjob" nastiness is the fact that a man was given a sandwich without the sauce he desired!

Subway workers told police that Peterson, 42, became belligerent and yelled when they were fixing his order. They locked him out of the store when he left to call police.

You have to wonder what he was yelling belligerently about as they fixed his sandwich. "HOW DARE YOU FUCK UP MY SANDWICH! FIX IT FASTER YOU FUCK! I'M GOING TO CALL 911 AS SOON AS I GET HOME AND LET THEM KNOW WHAT YOU'VE DONE! THEN WE'LL SEE WHO THE SANDWICH IS!!!" If I'm 42 and I can become irate to the point of being locked out of a place over a sandwich that cost between 3 and 6 dollars, I will hang myself. I would think, if I were really upset, the best thing to do would be to talk dirty to the guy as he's adding the sauce. "I aint mad atcha sweety. Yea, you put that sauce on my meat. Get that shit all sloppy. All the carrots baby. All the carrots." Not really anything wrong with that, plus it will creep the ever living shit out of them. Especially if you're not wearing pants.

When officers arrived, they tried to calm Peterson and explain the proper use of 911. Those efforts failed, and he was arrested on a charge of making false 911 calls.

Unless that conversation was videotaped or recorded, the world just died a little. How amazing must that have been? Trying to explain to someone that 911 wasn't for sandwich orders gone awry, and "those efforts failed". I have to be honest, I see where the guy is coming from. Who are the police to decide what's an emergency? Just because a sandwich isn't the most important thing to them, doesn't mean it's not life and death to this guy. Maybe the special sauce was insulin vinaigrette prescribed by Dr. Jared Fogle to treat his diabetes. "Sir, do you understand that 911 is not to be used for incorrect sandwich orders from Subway... remember now, if you say no, we're going to arrest you." "No"

Peterson did not have a listed phone number.

That's terrible! I bet the kind folks over at 911 know his number, I better call them and find out.

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