Sunday, July 31, 2011

And the whole "Jesus's Image" thing comes full circle

Let's say for a second you are God. Not only that, you are also the son of God, and died for the sins of every human (fuck you, other things living on Earth!). Anyway, instead of showing yourself to the world and being like "hey sorry for the AIDs and the Hurricanes and shit. I'm testing you! So far I'd give y'all like a C -. But seriously, it's all good there's heaven with cake and boners" or whatever. You think to yourself "Hey, not only am I the son of God, but I'm also God, and rather than talk to these people, I'll show up in their toast! or on a rag! OOOOOOoooh BEST idea ever, I'll show my face on a walmart receipt!

It will shock you to learn the folks who saw Mr. J.H. Christ are from South Carolina. Also, this:

Sutherland said she and Simmons believe the image was a response to a question asked by their preacher in church that week.

"We had a message on knowing God, abiding in him," Sutherland said. "(The preacher asked) 'If you know God, would you recognize him if you saw him?'"

"We just feel like it's a blessing that God showed it to us and opened our eyes. And we just feel like we should share the blessing God gave to us to everybody else," Sutherland said.

Ok so you'd be so jazzed that you recognize God (from a walmart receipt, obviously), that you wouldn't be like "Oh hey, remember Katrina? You're kind of a dick." Or like, "Hey my wife got hit by a drunk driver, what kind of prick gives a "test" like that? No, just oh hey! I know that face, you were on my receipt for Marlboro reds and easymac! It's a sign!

Simmons said Walmart workers told him the receipt would only change colors if heat was applied, but he does not know how it would have been heated enough to cause the mark.

Can't wait for the follow up when they get the receipt back from the lab to find out if it had indeed been heated! See you at the rapture y'all!!!!!