Old Ms. Leda Smith Gon' F*ck Yo Shit Right the Hell on Up.

So, you're a 17 year old vagrant in Point Marion, Pennsylvania. You and your boys have been burglarizing the neighborhood for a couple of weeks now, and it's been pretty sweet. You need some dough to buy Madden '09, and all the money from the McKenzie house robbery was spent on shitty weed and Colt 45's. You think to yourself, "we didn't hit up old lady Smith's house yet. She's probably got some cheddah. I'm gonna pay the old bitch a visit tonight."

Astronomical. Fucking. Mistake.

You scurry up to the side of the house. You try the window. It's open! "Hah," you think to yourself, "this is going to be like taking candy from an old person."

You're inside. You move stealthily, although you're sure you don't need to, 'cause old people are deaf as shit, and this bitch has been asleep for hours, and--

What was that?

Silence. Probably nothing. These old houses are creaky, probably just settling or--

'the fuck you think yo' doin here?

You spin around, and this is the sight that greets you: What's good, muh'fucka? What's REALLY good? Y'all been knockin' ova houses fo' a few weeks now, huh? You a big shot now, huh? Well, Mr. Big shot, I got news fo' you: ya keep knockin' at the Devil's door, sooner or later, someone gon' answer...y'sloppy lil' BITCH!

Alright, maybe it didn't go down exactly like that. The old lady probably cursed a bit more but, hey, this is a family site.

An 85-year-old woman boldly went for her gun and busted a would-be burglar inside her home, then forced him to call police while she kept him in her sights, police said.

I'm sorry but that is sooooo gangsta. She makes the kid report himself! Like,

Um, hello, 9-1-1? Yeah, um, I'm currently trying to rob 236 Clearfield Road. Yeah, down near the Little League field. Uh huh. Yeah. Me. No, I'm the one doing the robbery. Yes, I'm reporting myself. No, I don't work at TJ Maxx, what? Because the person I'm robbing told me to call you. Yeah, she's right here. Because she's holding a gun. Like, 93 years old. (I'm 85 and I look GREAT, muh'fucka!) Um, she's 85. (AND?) And she looks great...muh'fucka.

"I just walked right on past him to the bedroom and got my gun," Leda Smith said.

Yep. That's right. She snuck past the kid. How do you carry on in life, after getting housed SO badly by an 85 year old woman?!? I really wonder what happens to these people.

"I said 'What are you doing in my house?' He just kept saying he didn't do it," Smith said.

Ah, this offers us a little insight to how a 17 year old can be out-stealthed by an 85 year old: the kid is a complete fucking inbecile.

Really, "I didn't do it?" Motherfucker, you're standing here, in my house, at 2 AM! What do you mean, "you didn't do it?" You're CURRENTLY FUCKING DOING IT. Jeez...go protest Tropic Thunder some more, why don't ya.

"It was exciting," Smith said. "I just hope I broke up the (burglary) ring because they have been hitting a lot of places around here."

Way to kick all kindza ass, Ms. Leda Smith. Here, to honor your accomplishment, I present to you a celebratory parade of old bitches with firearms. And God bless us...every one.