Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Bikini Baristas will boil your tea, also your face.
A man dressed in a woman bra and panties drove up to a Java Girls, which is a coffee stand where the girls where bikinis (Note to self: find a Java Girls). Anyway, this guy drove up not once, not twice, but three times. I don't want to spoil the ending, But the source is here. And so here we go
Jamae Feddock, a bikini clad barista at Java Girls, said she first thought the man dressed in women’s underwear and exposing himself was a sick joke, until the man came back several times.
A couple of things here. 1. What the fuck does Jamae spell? and 2. Regardless of how many times he returned... isn't it still kind of a sick joke?
The first time he came to the window Feddock said he was wearing a white bra and white panties and touching himself inappropriately.
As opposed to appropriately touching himself. Like giving himself a pat on the back or clapping his hands in anticipation of the caffeinated joy he was about to receive. White bra and panties though? At least he was matching. Too bad they couldn't get a look at his feet, I wonder if he was wearing pumps or something sexy.
Then he came back a second time.
“He has underwear over his face, he's wearing hot pink panties now and the underwear that he was wearing is over his face and there's a little peephole so he can see,” Feddock said.
See, now that's just tacky. Though I do find it curious that Jamae deems it necessary to note the colors of each panty he happened to be donning as if that's going to be more helpful than say... the make and model of his car. Also, obviously he's going to have a peephole so he can see, he's driving a car for god's sake!
Feddock and another barista were working around 5 a.m. last Thursday when the incident happened. They tried to get a look at the man’s license plate, but that too was covered up with women’s underwear.
First and foremost, how awesome is it that you can get hot coffee at 5a.m. served to you by babes in bikinis? Also, that is some serious dedication, to cover your license plate with ladies undies. This is clearly a man who likes his panties. I bet he's like, a well respected doctor or something. We know those guys are nothing but trouble.
When the man came back a third time one of the baristas took a cup of 220 degree water and doused him with it.
Hmm... Well, I bet that showed him, the fucking pervert! Probably drove off in horrible agony!
“Kylie opened the door and threw boiling hot water on his face and his chest and he said oooh yeah,” Feddock said.
Hahahahahaha. I don't think you can even be mad, at that point. I think then you just kind of tip your cap and go "Well played sir." Though of course now he's probably shouting "I look like the hamburglar!"
Police agencies around Pierce County said they are seeing more and more incidents of indecent exposure -- as more coffee stands open -- many with women dressed provocatively -- or barely dressed at all.
See? You don't want some guy to drive up to you in ladies panties and start jerking off at you, stop dressing in bikinis! I think it's a perfectly logical way to think about this.
“I don't think we can make a quid pro quo there that this is causing the effect, and they certainly don't deserve that behavior, but we do have some of these stands that have been victimized by these activities,” said Det. Sgt. Jerry Bates a Pierce County Sheriff’s Deputy.
Oh, well I suppose my logic was a little flawed... maybe that explains why I'm not allowed at the beach any more.
Video of the whole thing here. Since they won't let me embed it, the fuckfaces.