Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Dr. Pemulis's Good-Time Family Subway Solution: Mouthbreathers!

So on the subway this morning, I notice a young, portly gentleman sitting across the way from me. What jumped out immediately was that, aside from being quite rotund, his jaw appeared to rest on his chest for all 5 or so stops I had on the train. This makes you look like a slack-jawed yokel. What I've never understood about mouth breathers is this: is this something innate? Or is it conditioning or what? Are you born predestined to be a mouth breather, or does it take years of white trash upbringing? Perhaps wikipedia will shed some light on the sitch.

A healthy individual normally breathes through the nose while resting or doing light exercise, and breathes simultaneously through both the nose and mouth during vigorous aerobic exercise, in order to supply sufficient oxygen. Excessive mouth breathing is problematic because air is not filtered and warmed as much as when inhaled through the nose, as it bypasses the nasal canal and paranasal sinuses, and dries out the mouth. Mouth breathing is often associated with congestion, obstruction, or other abnormalities of the upper respiratory tract. Mouth breathing is a diagnostic sign of adenoiditis especially with persistent rhinorrhea. Comorbidities include asthma, obesity, snoring, halitosis, and obstructive sleep apnea.

So either you're a great big fat person or your sinuses are fucked. But at least in addition to making you look like a fucking idiot it makes your breath stink! Hurray!

Mouth breathing in public is sometimes considered to be less socially acceptable or attractive than nose breathing, as mouth breathers can appear to have a somewhat "slack jawed" look, and mouth breathing can cause or exacerbate bad breath. Consequently, the term "mouth breather" may be used in a pejorative sense for someone lacking in hygiene or intelligence.

Looks like the internets agrees. You look like a goddamn moron, knock it off. I also wonder if this is a treatable thing. Can you just be like, more conscious so that assholes on the subway don't judge to be mentally deficient? Like, can't you just shut your stupid hick mouth or does gravity affect your dumb face differently than normal folk like me? You know what I want early in the morning on a crowded subway? To smell your halitosis! Thanks asshole! Do they make purrell for noses yet? Or better yet, is it illegal to mace someone for being a mouth breather?

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