Thursday, September 11, 2008

"Shut the f*ck up you fat piece of sh*t" OR "Curt Schilling has an opinion"

EDITOR'S NOTE: The 13 illegal immigrant workers who held up Mr. Schilling's leg for this picture were photoshopped out.

Imagine you're Curt Schilling (this may be easier if you have access to one of those fake preagnant lady stomachs). You're sitting at home, being fat, right-wing, and too hurt to play baseball. Boooooooring. So what's there to do?

Oh I know! Talk out of your ass about something you have no business talking about in the first place!

After all, he is a Republican, right? Hay-ooooo!

Schilling blasted New York sports fans, calling them "bitter and mad and miserable" for their apparent glee over New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady's season-ending knee injury.

You know, actually, come to think of it...he's right. I mean, Curt played in Philadelphia and Boston during his career, so if anyone knows's people who boo Santa Claus and beat people over the head with baseball bats for being a fan of their rivals. So...yeah.

"The euphoria in New York is palpable," he said. "I mean, the Yankees suck this year. And they're bitter and mad and they're making excuses over that.

The man is spot fucking on. I mean, being that New York has ABSOLUTELY NO CHANCE of having a baseball team in the playoffs this year, NONE whatsoever, the only thing they can do now is cheer the injury of a Boston athlete.

And now, you know, now they got Tom going down, so, you know, New York's excited.

New York City: SHAME ON YOU! The cities that Mr. Schilling has played for would NEVER cheer the injury of another player. Never, ever. But it's true: New York fans are excited. With Tom Brady out of the equation this year, there's a possibility that a New York team might win the Super Bowl, because that would NEVER happen if Tom were healthy, it--oh, wait a minute...

He later added: "They want us to be as bitter and mad and miserable and they are. And, unfortunately, it's not going to happen.

Right. You know what else is "unfortunately" not going to happen? Your dumpy ass being voted into the Hall of Fame. Suck it, tubby. At least we don't fucking RIOT when our city wins a championship.

Schilling has taken shots at New York in the past, and Tuesday acknowledged he's not a favorite there [Ed: No Fucking Shit]. But he said that's fine with him, recalling Boston's rally from three games back to beat New York in the 2004 AL championship series.

And with good reason he brings this up!!! 'Cause it has absolutely fucking anything to do with what he was talking about!!!!!!

(In Droopy Dog voice): New York fans suck my massive taint! Oh that reminds me, once I had this bloody sock...where are you going?!? This is a good story!!!

Now, maybe there are some people out there who think I'm being a little unfair to Mr. Schilling. After all, certain New York publications did celebrate Tom Brady's injury, and, being a New York sports fan myself, I'll be the first to admit we can be pretty damned intolerable at times (especially fucking Yankees fans). So why am I hating on Bitch Tits here so bad? Well...

There's this...and...

There's THIS.

(P.S. if you're still wondering why I hate him...chances are I hate you too.)

By the way, crazy-ass right-wing conservatives of America, there's a little something you should know about your precious little Curt...

You had me at "hello"...

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