Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Brent Cocklog's Cockblog: A Tribute to Somebody Better Than You

Good morning to the mediocre masses!!!!:))))

A Tribute to Somebody Better Than You

Now, if you noticed that the world has seemed a little less awesome in the past few weeks it's because a James William "Jim" Adams has passed. I couldn't find a pic of Jim, but this is what I'd like to believe he looked like:

His obituary tends to agree with me, as it attributes "rocking out too hard" as the cause of death.
It was primarily as a result of being stubborn and not following doctor's orders or maybe for just living life a little too hard for better than five decades.
Yea, how many people do you know who died from being too kickass? LESS THAN NONE, THAT'S HOW MANY!
So maybe you're like, "Big whoop. I bet you lots of people died from living 'a little too hard.' What makes this guy so special?"
Do me a favor: die in a fire. And keep reading!!!!!:)))))

He was sadly deprived of his final wish, which was to be run over by a beer truck on the way to the liquor store to buy booze for a date.

(rocks out on air guitar, knocks over lamp)

So okay, not only did he want to be run over by a beer truck, he wanted that beer truck to specifically be on its way to a liquor store (you know the old rhyme, "beer truck before liquor store, get fucked up quicker more"), and NOT ONLY a beer truck specifically on it's way to a liquor store, BUT with the ultimate purpose to procure booze for getting his date drunk enough to mash nasties.

American. Fucking. Hero.

True to his personal style, he spent his final hours joking with medical personnel, cussing and begging for narcotics and bargaining with God to look over his loving dog, Biscuit, and his family.

Now, if I hadn't read Leviticus and found out that God hates queers, I would probably go homo for this guy. FINAL HOURS, and this dude is still trying to catch a buzz. And what bargaining chips did Mr. Adams have on the table whilst ensuring through God that Biscuit (first) and family (second) would be safe? Was he offering to kill two hot blondes and a six pack right before he himself died so that they could have a kickass party the second he got to heaven? I'd like to think he was.

He would like to thank all "his ladies" for putting up with him the last 30 years.

James William "Jim" Adams =

During his life, he excelled at anything he put his mind to.

Incidentally, Mr. Adams only ever put his mind to one thing: being super way more better and awesomer than you. Way more.

Time to bring it home...

In lieu of flowers, he asks that you make a sizeable purchase at your favorite watering hole, get rip roaring drunk and tell the stories he no longer can.
Made up blogger identity aside, that seriously is one of the greatest things I've ever read. With the weekend just around the river bend, I suggest we all take Mr. Adams up on his suggestion. I know I'm going to be hitting on some busted ass old chick who looks like an angel through my beer goggles at my local dive.

As a personal homage to James William "Jim" Adams, here now, are a bunch of pictures of some really hot bitches. Jim would've wanted it this way.

1 comment:

  1. the first girl omg i would love to shove my cock up her pussy