Monday, September 8, 2008

Hate it When That Happens...

So it's the end of summer, and young Seth Russell was enjoying his final days of freedom before the drudgery of another school year. No better way to do that than a little inner-tubing sesh.

Yea Woooooo GNARLY!

Speeding around Lake Chicot, the lake where he'd gone every summer since he could remember, Seth couldn't help but to close his eyes and, just for a moment, reflect on all the lessons he'd learned this summer, lessons that were sure to stay with him for the rest of his--


A teenager's jaw was broken when a fish flew from the lake where he was riding in an inner tube and smacked him in the face.

(deep breath)
(wipes tears from eyes)
So after this dude gets a facefull of carp he PFFFFFFTTTTTAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh God MSNBC take it, I need to settle myself down here...

"He doesn't remember anything at all," the boy's mother, Linda Russell, said last week. "He was laughing, and the next thing he remembers, he is waking in a hospital."

"There was still plenty of laughter when he awoke," she continues. "We all just thought it was funny as fuck."

Seth's brother Brian has decided to change his traditional inner tubing position:

But the article continues:

[Seth]'s not the only one who's has a run-in with the "flying" Silver Asian carp.

Really? Because aside from being orgasmically hilarious, this incident seems to be a one-in-a-million chance.

...unless the fish are planning these attacks...

"They do not fly, but they are quite good jumpers," said Carole Engle, director of[blah blah blah]at the University of [blah blah blah]. "Over the past year, we have had some calls about fish jumping and causing injuries on Lake Chicot."

Well, I think I just found my new summer vacay spot. Just rent a house, get a beach chair and some binoculars and watch idiots get bitch slapped by jumping fish.

"Their jumping behavior is a problem, and their population appears to be growing there," Engle said.

Watch out, Little Rock. Overpopulation often leads to don't want your lakes to be lost to gang you?


Turns out these delightfully hilarious fish were originally brought into the lake by "Catfish Farmers" to clean up the algae and nastiness that...I'unno apparently cramped the catfish's style? Well so now that the Silver Carp have become more pest than help, the only logical step to take is to introduce a new animal into the eco-system to keep the gentle balance of nature... Picture that smackin' your grill whist tubing...(shudders, vomits) actually...don't picture it.

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