Monday, September 29, 2008

You Can't Arrest Me! I'm a Lycanthrope!

Now I know what you're thinking, San Jose: Oh brother, he's on the PCP again. Well, guess what, assholes, I don't think any side affect of PCP includes feeling extra lupine. Hey, what's that? Is that wolfsbane? Fuck off with that shit! I need to feeeeeeeed. What do you mean I'm acting bizarre? You're talking like this is the first time this has ever happened to someone!

Just outside the California-Hawaiian Mobile Estates at 10:45 p.m., officers responded to complaints of a man "howling at the moon and acting bizarre,'' according to police logs.

I guess it could seem bizarre to a small minded human, but I've got werefeelings! And now you've gone and hurt them! We werefolk are just like you! We like to hang out, have a good time, pound a few brews (one of our few weaknesses is the silver bullet), and sometimes fuck shit up old school.

Police say a man allegedly high on PCP had damaged the inside of someone's trailer in the mobile home park and was "out of control.'' The man was taken to Valley Medical Center, and booked on suspicion of vandalism and of being under the influence of PCP.

It is irresponsible to blame my wereactions on PCP. Sure I was taking PCP, but I'm a werewolf. Occasionally we need to howl at the moon and fuck up some trailer parks. It's called science, dickweed. Look it up.

I didn't ask to be born a werewolf. It was not a choice. My mother made some bad decisions with a malignant sorcerer's football team (let's just say it gave whole new meaning to the saying "those kids ran the train to Hogwart's") and 9 months later I came along, furry and furious with an insatiable appetite for destruction and extra rare meat.
I'm sorry if part of my werewolf religion consists of smoking PCP and breaking your shit, ok? I can't help it. You guys have driven me nuts with your judgements. Fuck this, I'm leaving and going back to Branham High.

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