Friday, October 17, 2008

Alright FINE I'll Go to Rehab, but I STILL Don't Think I Have a Problem...

Listen, I know I ain't yer "typical 'Merican citizen." I'm a bit of a "loose cannon." I "play by my own rules." I "sometimes show up to court and give 'em the old 'Kentucky Death Stare,' like this:"

I may do things "a little differently." I don't "bathe." I defecate "in public."

I've been "arrested over a thousand fucking, really."

Like...300 times over a thousand times.

LEXINGTON, Ky. -- A Lexington man arrested more than 1,000 times in 16 years says he wants to go to rehab.
Horse pucky!!! My exact quote was "judge, 'r ye gonna stop ridin' m'nuts if'n I go t'rehab? Then'll fuckin' go." I didn't want to! Shit I'd just as soon go back t'prison. Ain't seen m'mama in bout a fortnight.

A Fayette District Court Judge gave Henry Earl an ultimatum: accept probation and treatment or spend the next 90 days behind bars for alcohol intoxication.

Judge GodWhyDoTheyGiveMeAllTheRetards: Sir, you have a can go back to jail, for like, the billionth time, or you can go to rehab and try and turn your life around.

Wiley Hick: Turn m'life 'round?

Judge: Unlikely but possible, yes.

Wiley Hick: What if'n I jist promise ta never git arrested agin til next month?

(Judge stares at W.H.)

Wiley Hick: Ok FINE, I know I prob'ly couldn't hold up m'end of the bargain there...

Judge: Prison or rehab?

Wiley Hick: What's the toilet moonshine situation in rehab?

Judge: There isn't one.

Wiley Hick: Well damn, that's a easy choice then. I'll take the 90 da-- say, what's the shower room rape situation in rehab?

Judge: There isn't one.

Wiley Hick: Jail cell rape?


Wiley Hick: Laundry room rape?

Judge: No!

Wiley Hick: Face-in-poop-filled-toilet-community-bathroom rape?

Judge: No, th-- ew, are you fucking serious?!?

Wiley Hick: Rehab it is!

In court Thursday, Earl told the judge
HAHAHAHAHAH YES! His fucking name is EARL!! Is this the guy that show's based on?

In court Thursday, Earl told the judge he's willing to go to rehab if the treatment center will take him.
BIG fuckin' if there, Cleetus. Although something tells me even if he screws up his rehab entrance interview (read: poops on the carpet in the waiting room), 90 days of jail isn't going to be the end of the world for him.

Earl has spent an average of nearly 250 days in jail each year since 1992.

250 days...for 16 years. 250. 16.

That's roughly 4000 days this bumpkin has spent behind bars.

Roughly 11 out of the past 16 years have been spent by Earl in incarceration.

I am 100% serious, if Earl was black he'd have probably been killed on Kentucky principal. Nothing against Kentucky or its citizens. You're just all racist ignorant homophobic idiotic simple minded cousin fucking mouth breathing trailer owning beer belly showing pieces of shit, is all.

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