Wednesday, October 8, 2008

Do You Like the Rays? Take Off Your Pants and Prove It

So I guess the Tampa Bay Rays players have been seen sporting mohawks or something. Which in turn has led to a lot of people in Tampa sporting mohawks. All this to the chagrin of punk rockers everywhere. Anyway, for you lovely ladies of Tampa Bay who want to support the Rays but don't want to have your hair 'hawked, you're in luck. Because now you can get a Rayhawk on your lady parts.

Michelle Foster of Skin Deep Spatique in St. Petersburg says she was inspired by her son's Mohawk, "I stopped and thought about it a minute, and thought, well now everyone can have one!"

One might find a junction like that a good time to maybe take a step back and reevaluate one's life and priorities and such. If I ever have a son, look at his head and then step back and think to myself "oh snap! put that on a vagina and we are in business, baby" I will think about having myself committed.

But, it's not exactly pain-friendly. Team pride comes with a little sacrifice.

Right. I think by now it's pretty common knowledge that getting your hair waxed hurts, right?

Women wince. They cry. They even scream.

Ok. Well we get it. It hurts. You've established that. These are natural reactions to pain. Great.

It's a bit of a shock to the system as hot wax is spread onto the skin with a spatula, while an aesthetician stands by with a white piece of cloth, ready to rip off the wax.

FUCKING WE GET IT. We know that's how wax works. It hurts. Awesome. Make with the goods, news article.

When all is said and done, women are left with a female Rayhawk.

Right, that was the fucking whole point, no?

For $30, women are walking in to Skin Deep Spatique and requesting this popular style. They call it, "the special".

Sheesh. 30$ to have some lady painfully rip your hair out so your pubes resemble a mohawk. I'm glad to see this recession isn't affecting everyone.

Thankfully, Michelle performs the procedure in a back room where women can yell or even yelp. She tells them with a patient, all-knowing smile, "Take a deep breath. Have you ever seen 'The 40 Year Old Virgin?'" The movie features some funny but disturbing hair waxing moments.

Well it's reassuring that you can both yell and yelp. And so inference also tells me you are encouraged to shouts swears at Michelle and also yell "Kelly Clarkson" while she tricks you into thinking you're getting a rayhawk and you wind up with a smiley face.

Michelle says the response has been crazy. She chuckled and told us, "It's fun. Now us ladies have a way of participating."

Nothing says "Go Cliff Floyd!" quite like groomed pubic hair.

It seems to be making a lot of men happy, Michelle says, as women come home with what she calls a big "surprise."

Please note at no point is the look of the mohawk described in any kind of detail, so I'm not exactly sure what kind of surprise it would be. Wouldn't it, for all intents and purposes, look pretty much like your run of the mill landing strip? And why the hell is "surprise" in quotes?

It's one, she says, that just may help the Rays, in some small way, to go all the way to the World Series.

"Congratulations on your victory, anything you like to say to the fans?"

"First I'd like to thank God, my family, and of course the fans who came out and supported us, and especially the fans who had the carpets shaved into little mohawks. We certainly couldn't have done it without them. The mohawks I mean. The mohawk is the "them" at the end of that previous sentence I was referring to. Them."

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