Tuesday, October 21, 2008

"Hi. My Name is Jane and I Smell of Rotting Fish." "Hi Jane!"

The 41-year-old suffered decades of bullying and low self-esteem because of her pungent odour, but doctors refused to take her complaints seriously, believing she was a hygiene neurotic.

"...decades of bullying and low self-esteem". Want to know what the title of this article was? "
Rotting fish woman diagnosed with genetic condition." Telegraph UK, one might contend you are not exactly helping. But so at some point though (and I would have assumed it would be much sooner than decades) some doctor would be like "Why yes, you do seem to smell of rotting fish. Perhaps you're not crazy."

She has now been diagnosed with trimethylaminuria, a genetic condition that affects the smell of sweat, breath and urine.

Oh, it affects a lot more than that, hot-lips. Didn't you read the first paragraph you wrote?

The condition – also known as fish malodour syndrome – is incurable, but the patient from Perth, Australia has been able to seek counselling and support from fellow sufferers.

Now the title of this post makes some sense, huh? Anyway, I really would like to know a few things: Does this affect how one feels about eating fish? And if you enjoy fish and are cooking it, how will you know when it's done? And at some point do you get used to it or do you just like have a face that perpetually looks like this:

"After experiencing ridicule, distress, shame, anxiety and low self esteem during her school years, she first consulted a doctor about the problem at the age of 17, then again two years later, followed by a further four doctors over the next 20 years," he wrote in the Medical Journal of Australia.

How did these doctor visits go? "Doctor, no matter how many times I shower, I smell of rotting fish!" "Oh so that's what that smell is...You should take care of that... Bye!"

"Now having a name for her condition she found an internet-based support foundation and referred herself for genetic counselling," he added.

Seriously. Is there anything the internet can't do? Want to commiserate with other people who smell like fish despite any and all bathing habits? Just go online! Want to find someone who will let you castrate them and then share in the eating of his own dongle? Just check the internet! Want to watch people act out Garfield comic strips with strange music videos tacked on? Just go to the internet! Want to have sex with a midget dressed in a clown suit while a one-legged man watches with a noose around his neck? Come to my house!

Trimethylaminuria is a genetic mutation that causes the body to produce too much trimethylamine, a compound found in fish. Particular foods, medication and hormones can exacerbate the condition.

Sufferers can be seen hanging out at fish markets and in the ocean, where their scents are slightly cloaked. And man does that suck. You can tell people you're a mutant, because you are, but then when they ask about the super powers that come along with it you have to answer: " I smell like fish. " I somehow doubt Professor Xavier's School for the Gifted will come calling.

Patients "experience shame and embarrassment" and "fail to maintain relationships", Prof Burnett said.

Fail to maintain relationships? I would think it would be tough to even get one started. I would imagine one could clear out an entire bar with that kind of affliction. I don't know how hammered one would have to be to even one-night stand a woman of excessive trimethylaminuria. Or how berbalerbs-like one would have to be, in terms of like complete and utter desperation.

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