Thursday, October 9, 2008

You Can't Arrest Me! I'm a Stove!

Yes I shot that bitch, and I hope she burns in hell!

A woman said she was shot in the leg by her stove. Cory Davis told the Peninsula Daily News she had just stoked her cast-iron heating stove Sunday when she heard a loud bang and was struck in her left calf.

Like I said, I admit it. I shot her. Fuck that bitch. The things I've had to put up with, had to witness. Here I sit, warming her home, and how am I repaid? I get jabbed with sharp metal objects. Have you ever had a red hot poker jammed into your maw? Yea, I didn't think so.

Davis said a case of shotgun shells spilled about a month ago at her home and one must have landed in the newspapers she used to light the stove.

Yea, that's what she thinks. But what's she going to do. Even if I admit it, you can't arrest me! I'm a fucking stove! I'm like the ultimate killing machine, in a way. Anyway, you should see the men she brings home and has relations with, right there in front of me! This woman has spent more money on bondage shit than you could shake a stick at. And getting me involved in her sick, twisted fantasies! To say this woman is into the flaming amazon is an understatement.

She removed a metal fragment herself and was treated Monday at Forks Community Hospital.

Next time it'll be in her stupid whore face. No one suspects the stove. No one...

1 comment:

  1. Best part of the urban dictionary definitions:

    Definition 2 begins:
    "When your giving a girl the grizzle..."

    I'm going to use that vocab every time I refer to sex from now til the day I die...hopefully mid-grizzle with some girl that's 20 years my junior...