Tuesday, November 25, 2008

New Favoritest Commercial Ever? New. Favoritest. Commerical. EVER.

Fuckin just check this shit out

Be honest with me. This was someone's Junior High School project for Social Studies class right? I mean, this isn't

The Our Country Deserves Better PAC has begun running spots in Alaska — two 60-second ads, and two 30-second versions — that pay tribute to Palin, with plans to expand the ad buy to the rest of the country sometime this week.
They...this...so, ok. The "Our Country Deserves Better" [assumedly they don't mean "better" than the far right bumpkin fucktard currently running our country into the shitter...they mean "better" than the dark-skinned fella. -Ed.] group decides that since John McCain and Sarah Palin lost the election...a smart way to spend money...during a recession...would be to make a commercial...thanking?..Sarah Palin...to...um...convince someone...of something?..and so they ran the commercial in Alaska...which is probably the only place on Planet Earth where people don't need to be convinced that Ms. Palin is anything more than a MILF about 5-10 years past her "freshness" date.

You know, I really haven't done a "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH IN 2000 AND 2004 AND VOTED FOR MCCAIN IN 2008: THERE'S A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE NOW, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO KILL YOURSELVES" type article since the election (Obama won, btw), so I'm going to go play by play on this little gem.

0:00 - 0:10 - Ok, so some dude who looks like he really wants to sell you a used '87 Buick or ask if you've been injured at work and need representation is standing next to a graphic of a Thanksgiving feast.
Governor Sarah Palin, as Americans sit down to their Thanksgiving dinners of turkey, or moose, a grateful nation wishes to say "thank you."
Wow, ok. So maybe I bit off a little more than I can chew. I'll try not to make this 20,000 words. 18,500 tops, I promise. A few items:

A)Palin supporters: Stop being proud of the fact that she is a fucking yokel. I get the whole "I want someone I relate to in the White House" thing (actually, I DON'T get it, because I sure as shit couldn't run this nation and I wouldn't want anyone I could relate to trying to run it either) but this whole "she eats moose like all us real people do" thing is fucktarded. No one eats moose. Except for fucking Eskimos and mountain hobos, ok? That does NOT equal "president material."

B) WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE "WE" THANKING HER FOR?!? For coming into a 2 year long campaign in the last 2 months and perhaps costing McCain the presidency? For having the political integrity to go on Saturday Night Live and "raise the roof" while someone dances in a moose costume nearby? Like, seriously. Come. On.

0:11 - 0:18 - footage from Palin's Klan rallies- er, campaign functions, and some voiceover.
Something Something Blah Blah Articluate [are you fucking serious? -Ed.] Common Sense Blah Blah Blah
Calling Sarah Palin articulate is like calling my obsese cousin with Down Syndrome a "charmer." It's just insulting.

0:19 - 0:25 - "We Deserve Better" would like you to know that Gov. Palin's the REAL hero here, for raising her son...in a manner...that made him go into the army..? I'm guessing the army is composed of about 30% young men and women who want to serve their country and protect our civil liberties while helping to promote peace around the world and the other 70% just really wanted to be able to shoot at people without running the risk of being arrested. Just saying.

0:26 - 0:30 - I guess this is sorta the emblematic "Sarah Palin" family here. They have like 8 kids and the wife looks about 19. Right on track!

0:31 - 0:34 - Holy Goodness it's a negro! Kill it! Kill it! Oh wait, what? He's here for the commercial? Oh. Really? Hm. Ok. Give him a cowboy hat or something, make him less scary.

0:35 - 0:35.5 - Wilford Brimley would like to ask the Lord to bless Ms. Palin. This is hilarious. They probably had this guy up and talking for like 2 hours straight, and the only sentence he said the entire time without the "N word" in it was "God bless you, Governor Palin"

0:36 - 0:41 - I'm going to give it to them here. They really created a solid strong, multi-layered image, here. The image of everything that's wrong with Americans. Ok, so we have a pair of overweight cheesey ass Midwesterners. And next to them is an image of Gov. Palin in what looks like a K-Mart.
"You've inspired us!"
To fucking WHAT? Hm? Like "oh this conservative religious kook is such a breath of fresh air!

0:42 - 0:44 - "Thank you, Sarah Palin." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it. Fucking brilliant. What an argument! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS COMMERCIAL TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH!?!?!?!

0:45 - 0:48 - Um...
At a time when so many politicians have seemed to let us down, you've given us hope.
/head explodes

Hope for WHAT?!? She DID let you down, remember? Remember the reason she was going from bumblefuck swapmeet to bumblefuck swapmeet stirring up hatred and bigotry? SHE WAS RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT. AND LOST. What - I just..its' ao ;g/ newa;oiavaj ;ome; e gjow r;g'iera;msdcqa;weidogaj iowemlakdsvj;lkrdswheiucvaniuo
Ahem. Sorry.

Ok skipping ahead....alright, big crowd, terribly cheap graphics, "THANK YOU SARAH PALIN" - glad to see they changed it up there, really shows the arc in the story line, and -- AH WAIT STOP! The money shot:

0:53 - Random fat bitch pops onto screen and asks about Sarah's moose chilli recipe.

I can only hope that at the completion of this commercial SOMEBODY involved got to see a screening of it and killed themselves as a result. My money's on the black guy.

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