Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Status Update: Wayne Forrester is thinking that was maybe a kneejerk reaction. Anyone got any bleach?

Continuing with the theme of people being hacked to death by loved ones, here's a little tale of another romance gone sour. With a tip of the hat to the editor of this fine site for the scoop, we are. off!

A husband who hacked his wife to death with a meat cleaver in fury over her Facebook entry was jailed for a minimum of 14 years at the Old Bailey today.

It's weird to think about married people using facebook. I mean, it shouldn't be (I'll be married in less than 12 months and use it), but it just seems like something we associate with a sort of juvenile crowd, that like married people would be beyond that or more grown up than that or something. I'm afraid of what it says about me that that was the aspect of the story that jumped out first, rather than the murder-by-meat cleaver.

Wayne Forrester, 34, drank alcohol and took cocaine before driving 15 miles to the family home to attack wife Emma as she lay in bed.

Likewise the thought of being 34 and using facebook. At some point I hope I'm going to delete my facebook account. Or at least edit all the dick jokes and swear words out of it so my kid doesn't know what a stupid shit I actually am. Anyway I at least hope that I'm not so into facebook at that point that I would murder someone over something facebook related. I guess I should mention I hope that I don't murder anyone for any reason, least of all something facebook related. Whatever. We're getting off track here. Ok so. High on cocaine and hammered. Sounds like a recipe for... murder.

The couple had separated four days before the murder in February and Forrester later told police he had been provoked by his wife changing her marital status to "single" on her Facebook entry, the court heard.

That's what's passing for an epic burn these days? Sad. She could have at least updated her status to like "Emma Forrester is... glad she's separated from her no good pinky-dick probably a pedophile husband." But Jesus, "She changed her status to single?!?!?! That whore. I'm going to kill her - literally!"

Emma was found in a pool of blood after neighbours were woken at 6.30am by her screams. Near her body was a large kitchen knife and in another room a blood-soaked meat cleaver.

At some point someone is going to find a word other than pool to describe the blood surrounding a dead body. Or at least I hope they'll get more specific. "She was found in an Olympic sized pool of blood with a 3 foot shallow end and a deep end about ten feet deep, perfect for water polo." "She was found in an inflatable kiddie pool sized pool of blood, perfect for wading in during summer heat with a beverage of a cold and refreshing nature."

Jailing him for life, the Common Serjeant of London Brian Barker QC said: "Your wife ended the relationship. Your reaction was one of anger and resentment. "
"There is no possible excuse or justification. "
"This is a tragic killing of a young woman and what you have done has called untold anguish."

He then went on to add "Water is wet. The sky is blue. Grass is green. Does this shirt make me look fat?"

Ms Lewis [the prosecutor] said: "He was angry about an entry on Facebook he said made him look like a fool as she had advertised her marital status as single. He accused her of having an affair."

One time someone wrote on my wall, calling me a shitfuck, but you don't see me going around murdering him all over the place. I mean, I love the guy but dad knock it off with the names.

Forrester drove to Croydon armed with the knife and meat cleaver and forced the front door open. After neighbours called 999 he emerged from the house covered in blood and holding a carton of juice.


When the police arrived he held his arms out for handcuffs and told them: "Who called you? My wife is in there. I killed her."

Because they wouldn't have been clear on that what with you being covered in blood and juice and your fingerprints all over the murder weapon and victim. Also why would he ask who called? Like was he pissed? "Who called you!? They're next! Or not, you know, if I go to jail for this, which I will. Just curious really, who was it?"

In an impact statement the victim's sister Eliza Rothery said the family had been devastated by the murder.

Eliza then added, "Water is wet, and while I appreciate the defense pointing out that black is a very slimming color on me, I like to wear it most days, not on days specifically when I'm attending a wake for my sister"

Peter Dahlsen, defending, said Forrester felt "a deeply held remorse".

"If only I hadn't gotten an email notification that Johnny tagged me in that photo of us getting totally blotto, I would never have logged into facebook and this whole crisis could have been averted and right now I'd be updating my status thusly: 'Wayne Forrester is...Happily reuniting with his not-dead wife Emma.' And then there would be a little happy face emoticon. But for the foreseeable future all my emoticons are :( "

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