It's Not Often I Find Myself Rooting for the Guy With the Laser Pointer

So if there's nothing you enjoy more than watching millionaires dressed up like space cats acting like huge babies, you're in luck:



Seriously, like anyone needed another reason to hate KISS. Also, if you're a rocker who hates laser pointers with this kind of passion, shouldn't you have a better repertoire of insults to hurl crowd-ward than things like, "Just because you can shave you're still a baby" and "Put that laser in your pocket or I'll put it in your ass"? How about something fun like "Hey! My doctor says I can't get laser in my eye! Be careful!" Or like, "Hey, you look pretty young, the whole band has probably had sex with your mother."

Do You Need Health Insurance?

sometimes there are no words.

via the ridiculant.

He's Got a New CatFace!

I'd be lying if I said this post wasn't an excuse to put up cat face videos, so I figure I might as well admit it right up front. I saw this story and immediately thought "a perfect excuse for cat face videos." Anyway, apparently a vet reattached a cat's face.

Me-ouch! Veterinarians on Tuesday performed an unusual surgery to reattach the face of a cat they believe was injured by a car's fan belt, probably because she tried to stay warm under the hood.

Me-ouch indeed. Here's the cat now:

if you'd a killed tony stark when i told you to, you'd still have a face

Edgar, a 4-year-old long-haired feline, went missing from her home in Winthrop for three days last week. When she finally came home, her owner found her in her litter box — with part of her face dangling from her head.

When reached for comment, Edgar said: I go out, I work my butt off to make a living, all I want is to come home to a nice clean house with a nice fat steak on the table, but instead I get this. It looks like poison. Don't you take that away, I'm eating that, damn it. It is poison, isn't it? I swear to God I would not be surprised if it was, the way you skulk around here like a dog that's been hit too much or ain't been hit enough, I can't make up my mind. You're useless, Beatrice. The only thing that pulls its weight around here is my goddamn truck.

Anyway, holy fucking shit this is starting to depress me. Either way, apparently the cat's going to be totally fine, so let's just make with the cat face already.

New Favoritest Commercial Ever? New. Favoritest. Commerical. EVER.

Fuckin just check this shit out


Be honest with me. This was someone's Junior High School project for Social Studies class right? I mean, this isn't

The Our Country Deserves Better PAC has begun running spots in Alaska — two 60-second ads, and two 30-second versions — that pay tribute to Palin, with plans to expand the ad buy to the rest of the country sometime this week.

They...this...so, ok. The "Our Country Deserves Better" [assumedly they don't mean "better" than the far right bumpkin fucktard currently running our country into the shitter...they mean "better" than the dark-skinned fella. -Ed.] group decides that since John McCain and Sarah Palin lost the election...a smart way to spend money...during a recession...would be to make a commercial...thanking?..Sarah Palin...to...um...convince someone...of something?..and so they ran the commercial in Alaska...which is probably the only place on Planet Earth where people don't need to be convinced that Ms. Palin is anything more than a MILF about 5-10 years past her "freshness" date.

You know, I really haven't done a "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH IN 2000 AND 2004 AND VOTED FOR MCCAIN IN 2008: THERE'S A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE NOW, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO KILL YOURSELVES" type article since the election (Obama won, btw), so I'm going to go play by play on this little gem.

0:00 - 0:10 - Ok, so some dude who looks like he really wants to sell you a used '87 Buick or ask if you've been injured at work and need representation is standing next to a graphic of a Thanksgiving feast.

Governor Sarah Palin, as Americans sit down to their Thanksgiving dinners of turkey, or moose, a grateful nation wishes to say "thank you."

Wow, ok. So maybe I bit off a little more than I can chew. I'll try not to make this 20,000 words. 18,500 tops, I promise. A few items:

A)Palin supporters: Stop being proud of the fact that she is a fucking yokel. I get the whole "I want someone I relate to in the White House" thing (actually, I DON'T get it, because I sure as shit couldn't run this nation and I wouldn't want anyone I could relate to trying to run it either) but this whole "she eats moose like all us real people do" thing is fucktarded. No one eats moose. Except for fucking Eskimos and mountain hobos, ok? That does NOT equal "president material."

B) WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE "WE" THANKING HER FOR?!? For coming into a 2 year long campaign in the last 2 months and perhaps costing McCain the presidency? For having the political integrity to go on Saturday Night Live and "raise the roof" while someone dances in a moose costume nearby? Like, seriously. Come. On.

0:11 - 0:18 - footage from Palin's Klan rallies- er, campaign functions, and some voiceover.

Something Something Blah Blah Articluate [are you fucking serious? -Ed.] Common Sense Blah Blah Blah

Calling Sarah Palin articulate is like calling my obsese cousin with Down Syndrome a "charmer." It's just insulting.

0:19 - 0:25 - "We Deserve Better" would like you to know that Gov. Palin's the REAL hero here, for raising her son...in a manner...that made him go into the army..? I'm guessing the army is composed of about 30% young men and women who want to serve their country and protect our civil liberties while helping to promote peace around the world and the other 70% just really wanted to be able to shoot at people without running the risk of being arrested. Just saying.

0:26 - 0:30 - I guess this is sorta the emblematic "Sarah Palin" family here. They have like 8 kids and the wife looks about 19. Right on track!

0:31 - 0:34 - Holy Goodness it's a negro! Kill it! Kill it! Oh wait, what? He's here for the commercial? Oh. Really? Hm. Ok. Give him a cowboy hat or something, make him less scary.

0:35 - 0:35.5 - Wilford Brimley would like to ask the Lord to bless Ms. Palin. This is hilarious. They probably had this guy up and talking for like 2 hours straight, and the only sentence he said the entire time without the "N word" in it was "God bless you, Governor Palin"

0:36 - 0:41 - I'm going to give it to them here. They really created a solid strong, multi-layered image, here. The image of everything that's wrong with Americans. Ok, so we have a pair of overweight cheesey ass Midwesterners. And next to them is an image of Gov. Palin in what looks like a K-Mart.

"You've inspired us!"

To fucking WHAT? Hm? Like "oh this conservative religious kook is such a breath of fresh air!

0:42 - 0:44 - "Thank you, Sarah Palin." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it. Fucking brilliant. What an argument! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS COMMERCIAL TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH!?!?!?!

0:45 - 0:48 - Um...

At a time when so many politicians have seemed to let us down, you've given us hope.

/head explodes

Hope for WHAT?!? She DID let you down, remember? Remember the reason she was going from bumblefuck swapmeet to bumblefuck swapmeet stirring up hatred and bigotry? SHE WAS RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT. AND LOST. What - I just..its' ao ;g/ newa;oiavaj ;ome; e gjow r;g'iera;msdcqa;weidogaj iowemlakdsvj;lkrdswheiucvaniuo
Ahem. Sorry.

Ok skipping ahead....alright, big crowd, terribly cheap graphics, "THANK YOU SARAH PALIN" - glad to see they changed it up there, really shows the arc in the story line, and -- AH WAIT STOP! The money shot:

0:53 - Random fat bitch pops onto screen and asks about Sarah's moose chilli recipe.

I can only hope that at the completion of this commercial SOMEBODY involved got to see a screening of it and killed themselves as a result. My money's on the black guy.

Shreddin'

Here are a couple of unreleased tracks by two of the greatest bands of our generation, Nickelback (Spanish for Nick "The" back) and Creed (Spanish for AWESOME).



and here's Creed:

Ricky Gervais is Out of England

If you're like me (and you are), you love you some Ricky Gervais. He had his stand-up comedy special on HBO on Saturday evening, and it was amazing. The best part of the whole thing was a bit he did on humpty dumpty, and here it is, enjoy:
EDIT: The first video was from politics. This is the video from Saturday night:






and the one from politics:

Oldies But Goodies: Tourette's Guy!

Remember Tourette's Guy? Sure, he probably was more drunk and demented than actually suffering from Tourettes, but that doesn't mean cursing isn't funny. So without further ado, here's a bunch of clips (NSFW language, obvi).

Oldies But Goodies: Special Slam Poetry

Ummm... A couple of things: When you ask 'what the fuck?', please rest assured that I have no idea. And fair warning, I'm not sure if these are hilarious, awful, depressing, insane, or what. You be the judge. Not for the easily disturbed.

















/showers a thousand times
/goes to church
/is struck by lightning

Sorry.

Also - why the hell do they all end with a thing saying they were brought to you by fart inhaler?! This shit continues to blow my mind.

Gunna Need a Whole Lotta Milka

This is quite possibly my favorite Kids in the Hall skit that doesn't involve fattening up tapeworms. Enjoy.

Cat Face vs. Garfield.

So I spent way too much time yesterday watching the most awesomely insane videos ever. Cat Face has ten little episodes on youtube, and is maybe the greatest thing I've ever seen. Here is the first episode:

I don't care, I cant even read, I'm a cat!

And then there's Lasagna cat. This is a group that has reenacted a number of Garfield comic strips, then gone on to make fucking batshit crazy music videos that play after the strip has run. Here's my favorite:


I think we're all a little dumber having seen these.

From the Makers of Anime Tentacle Rape Comes...

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Random Youtube Awesomeness: Total Recall in Your Eyes

See also, Kuato singing Chocolate Rain.

h/t killian

Was Anyone Else Insanely Confused...

...by seeing the triumphant return of Bubb Rubb?

You may remember him as a strong advocate of Whistler Tips, as demonstrated below:



Well, last night my mind was completely one hundred percent blown on its ass. Watching the All Star Game, during a commercial break, a commercial for EA's NCAA Football 2009 comes on. Who do I see on the commercial? Bubb Rubb. The one and only. It was one of the weirder things I've seen in a long time, and I was fairly certain that I was tripping. But no, it really happened, and here's the proof. The really, really strange proof.

Mammals That Are Better Than Me At Painting Expands Beyond "Humans"

h/t to bohm for the link.

Oldies But Goodies: America, We Stand As One

I remember watching this in college thinking: Man, some day I hope I'm at work and bored enough to post this hilarious video on my website.

Fridays are for Music: Frog Eyes!

Frog Eyes is a tough band to describe. They're insanely energetic and make me want to rock the fuck out, which is a feeling I get very infrequently since becoming an old man. AllMusic.com's brief bio:

Victoria, British Columbia, quartet Frog Eyes are the antithesis of their quiet Canadian village. Utilizing the carnival atmosphere of Rain Dogs-era Tom Waits, the frenetic energy of vintage Cramps, and the diabolical scheming of pre-Murder Ballads Nick Cave, the post-punk collective created an atmosphere of psychedelic unease with their 2002 full-length debut, The Bloody Hand. Lead singer Carey Mercer, who mined similar territories in his previous group, Blue Pine, leads the indie rock ensemble, which also includes Melanie Campbell, Grayson Walker, and Michael Rak. In 2003, after the critical success of Hand, the group released the enigmatic Golden River on the Animal World label, resulting in another flurry of raves and a newly minted fan base. They signed to Absolutely Kosher the following year and released their strongest record to date, the volatile and charismatic Folded Palm, as well as the lo-fi acoustic EP Ego Scriptor. 2006 saw the release of Bloody Hand, again on Absolutely Kosher, followed by Tears of the Valedictorian in 2007.

Golden River and The Folded Palm are both absolutely amazing albums that I could listen to on repeat for some time. Here are a couple of videos I could find - I can't really vouch for the videos, the first one is for sure some fan made video, the second one I have no idea, but the songs are still awesome.

Masticated Outboard Motors from The Golden River



The Akhian Press from The Folded Palm

Iron Man Vs. Kung Fu Panda

From the MTV Movie Awards, which I guess happened.

Even More Random Youtube Greatness: Rachel Ray

It's all audio cut from cooking shows, but still kind of NSFW-ish?

via gorillamask, which I just noticed also has a link to the star wars rap. great minds, as they say.

More Random Youtube Greatness: Best Subway Ride...Ever?

Ok, so this girl takes exception with something an old lady calls her, and decides she needs to express her anger through the majesty of song. Or something. Plenty of NSFW language here.