Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Chocolate Jesus: Tasteless? Mouths Beg to Differ

Sorry, this is just going to be a quick hit to build up to a stupid joke, or maybe it won't. I don't know yet as I've only read the headline to the article... Anyway, Relig-y people in Germany are up in arms because people are selling Jesus Chocolates.

Frank Oynhausen set up his "Sweet Lord" chocolate Jesus-making business saying he wanted to restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany.

When asked exactly how chocolate Jesus's might restore some traditional religious values to Christmas in Germany, Frank replied, "You know, the three wisemen came on January 7th-ish and presented Jesus, Mary and Joseph with Dark Chocolate, Milk Chocolate, and White Chocolate."

"It is terrible that Jesus is being wrapped up in gold foil and sold along with chocolate bunnies, edible penguins and lollipops," said Aegidius Engel, a spokesman for the archbishopric of nearby Paderborn.

Engel is also unaware that at just about any dollar store you can purchase cheap plastic rosary's, alongside enemas and pop rocks and crappy army men toys.

"This is ruining the symbol of Jesus himself," he added.

He then also added, "What inquisition? What child rape scandals? What selling of papal indulgences? La La La CANT HEAR YOU CHOCOLATE JESUS IS BAD I SAY!"

In 2007, a life-size chocolate sculpture of a naked Jesus caused an outcry from Roman Catholics when an art gallery in New York wanted to exhibit it in a window.

Because seeing a penis is about a million times worse than see two hours of torture porn.

And to get back to the original point of this whole thing,

But the German Protestant Church criticized the idea as "tasteless" and the Roman Catholic Church was not amused.

The Church issued a statement exclusively to The Gallimaufry, and it reads,

"Dudes, no. Literally 'tasteless'. Where did they get their chocolate from? Blandsville? We would also like to add that this is not nearly as offensive to us as the Crucifrog, who did not croak for your sins, despite what any 'blogs' would have you believe."

That's actually edgy humor for the Church, so don't blame me for it not being funny to you.

No comments:

Post a Comment