Wednesday, December 10, 2008

What're You Supposed to Be? The Pig That Stole Christmas?

Let's say you're driving around Orlando, Florida (presumably high and headed to Disney World or sobering up and leaving Disney World) and you run a red light. Soon after, you hear sirens. Fuck.

So you check yourself in the mirror to see if the Visine has taken full effect, practice your best sober rendition of "is there a problem officer?" and wait for the cop to knock on your window.

***Knock knock knock***

"Ahem, um, is there a problem offi--""Merry Christmas!!!"

"Oh. Oh! That's pretty cool, man! Thanks! Merry Christmas to you too! So is this an annual thing you guys do or--"

"Sir, are you aware you ran a red light?"


"You ran a red light, sir. I'm giving you a ticket."

"Um...then why are you dressed up as an elf?"

"SIR! I'll ask you not to take this lightly! Running red lights is a serious infraction and you put yourself and others at risk by doing so!"

"But...but..."Officer hands him ticket

"Happy Holidays sir."


"What did you--"

The Orange County Sheriff's Office [said? reported? either way, sic] the deputies disguised as Christmas characters patrolled a single intersection from 7:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. Tuesday and dolled out 50 tickets -- each carrying a fine of $201 -- for running red lights
Wow. Well at least this helps dispell the common perception of cops generally being dicks who abuse their power. And disguised as an elf and the Grinch? The fact they're coming out of a police cruiser kinda ruins the surprise. But in all seriousness, there's no other reason to do this other than to be a MASSIVE prick.

"Hey, Bobby I gotta great idea, it'll really get 'em on our traffic patrol tomorrow. See, when we pull over someone for speeding or runnin' a red light or something, we--"

"Gun rape them?"

"No, Bobby. Enough with the gun rape."

"Fine, Dr. Killjoy, what's your idea?"

"We dress up like Christmas characters, right? And so when we pull people over, they'll get the idea that we're spreading holiday cheer!"

"Then what?"

"What else? We fine 'em $200 and ruin their day. But you see, we'll ruin their day worse than usual 'cause we build 'em up before!"

"Sounds good! Could use a little more gun rape in my opinion, but yea, let's fuckin' do it!"
"We just want to keep everyone safe," the deputy dressed as the elf said.
Yes. That's why these buffoons are dressed up in costumes! It...increases the...safeness, I guess?..of the it...nope. They're just pricks.

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