In what can really only be described as a cartoon-like act of violence, two friends in Iowa got drunk and fought, resulting in one biting the other's nose off.
Authorities said he was drinking with another man when they started arguing and the other man hit him with a shovel. They say Merrival responded by biting off the man's nose and part of his lip.
"He's a heavy drinker and sometimes when he drinks he changes and gets real nasty," the injured man, Matthew Osing, told KCRG-TV. [Ed. note: no shit, ya think?]
He acknowledged hitting Merrival with a shovel, saying, "He was crouched down ready to pounce on me and he was scaring me. ... He jumped up and grabbed me by my face and grabbed my nose and bit it off."
The nose was not recovered but police say Merrival didn't think he swallowed it.
"I don't know if he swallowed it or if my dogs might have eaten it, I don't know," Osing said.
That is pure, unadulterated awesomeness. I hope Osing at least had the good sense to call Merrival a Saigon whore after his nose was bitten off. [random aside: did you know that movie was directed by Bob Saget? Weird]
I also didn't know anyone hit people with shovels in real life. But I guess what else is there to do in Iowa city?