In what has to be the absolute worst way to make a quick 800 Grand, a Romanian court awarded a man $795,000 in compensation because his penis was severed due to a "surgical error".
In July 2004, Dr. Naum Ciomu made a surgical error while operating on the man's testicles, severing the penis instead of making an incision to the testicle.
Now, this news article leaves out an infuriatingly large amount of detail that I believe pretty vital to this story. First off of course is HOW THE FUCK DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY CUT OFF SOMEONE'S PENIS WHEN YOU ARE TRYING TO MAKE A SMALL INCISION ELSEWHERE? Was the doctor hammered? Trying to be funny?
The Bucharest Magistrates Court ruled Friday that Ciomu had been "superficial" in his approach to the operation, ordered the fine and handed Ciomu a one-year suspended prison sentence. The ruling can be appealed.
Jail time? How about just losing his business or whatever. Honestly now, was he barred from practicing surgery? Would it even matter? Who would ever go to this guy for any sort of surgery ever again? "Who's operating on you?" "Naum Ciomu" "Isn't that the Doctor who cut off that guy's dick instead of making a small cut on his nuts?" "Yea, I figure he's due for a real successful surgery"
A piece of muscle from the man's arm has now been attached to where his penis was, but its function is aesthetic.
Yea that'll.... WAIT. WHAT.!? So... the Doctor severed his penis and then... disposed of it?! Like, hiding the evidence? Like maybe he won't notice? Isn't he a surgeon? Couldn't he have sewn it back on? How can you have a sentence like that and not mention the whereabouts of aforementioned severed penis?! Also, aesthetic? I.. I honestly do not even know what else to say about this. "Well sir, _______ happened to your actual severed penis, but we can take a chunk from your arm so it looks like you got some kind of nub going on down there, even though it won't work in any sort of functional sense."
"You don't have to be an expert to realize that the 33-year-old victim does not have a good state of mind," said Mihai Olariu, the victim's lawyer.
I wonder if the 8ook counts as money he'll have to spend on therapy or if the hospital will cover that too. Though you could buy a really nice chair and a length of rope with that money. Or a whole lot of pills. I'm just sayin' is all.
INSANELY GRUESOME UPDATE:
Ok, so here's why it went missing! Turns out assault would be a way better way to describe what happened!
Surgeon Naum Ciomu, who had been suffering from stress at the time, had been operating on patient Nelu Radonescu, 36, to correct a testicular malformation when he suddenly lost his temper.
Grabbing a scalpel, he sliced off the penis in front of shocked nursing staff, and then placed it on the operating table where he chopped it into small pieces before storming out of the operating theatre at Bucharest hospital.
Great! I'm going to vomit until I pass out. Bye!