Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Why Are Wii's Still Hard to Come By?

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I've wanted a Wii since I heard they were making them a couple of years ago. I've also come pretty close to buying one on a number of occasions, and I think I can now say that I am thankful that I have not.

Let me backtrack. I am a lazy man. One of the laziest I know. I have been good at exactly two video games to the best of my memory (Ninja Gaiden and MLB 2005 - both for the xbox). I have played the Wii exactly twice. Both times I was inebriated past the point of being potentially decent at anything, let alone a game that requires hand-eye coordination. I own an xbox that is mod'd and has every nintendo, genesis, and super nintendo game made (as well as a ton of weird porn versions of several games, which is so weird and disturbing I'm going to stop thinking about it now thanks). I have played Super Mario Brothers RPG (for SNES) to completion. I can admit this with a straight, anonymous face. I have beaten Super Mario Brothers 2 - the complete anomaly that wasn't supposed to be a Mario game at all. The one that ended up being a fucking dream!

I have a problem with sporting video games. There is always a create a player mode, and I, without fail, create a player with a 99 overall rating. Then I put him on the Mets/Isles/Jets. His name? Same as my name. Why do I do this? Well, there's bound to be at least one player on any one of those teams I feel alright losing, plus I have an insanely large insecurity issue and serious inferiority complexes working themselves out through monster home runs and 200 goal seasons.

I am bad enough at most video games that I don't bother becoming a competitive asshole while playing them the same way I do when me and my friends do anything competitive.

I thought a Wii might change all these things. I might get exercise and play video games! I can teach my daughter and we can wii bowl together!

I put it off for a long while because of baseball season - which takes up just about every night after work for several months. Why spend that money when it's going to collect dust? Baseball season blends into hockey season blends into football season. This fall I moved and have had a ton to do. It's all been very good in terms of keeping my mind off the Wii I could be playing. But now with the writers' strike, the end of football, and 2 months till pitchers and catchers report; I have no idea what to do with myself. I have seen every episode of every show on the Food Network at least a hundred times, I have rewatched almost every season of every tv show I own on DVD, and I have been exercising. EXERCISING. I no longer know what to do with myself in the evenings.

All that being said, I am glad the wii is still hard to find for whatever reason it is still hard to find. This is because I know that it will absolutely consume me, it will ruin all of my weekends, and it will be useful for a maximum of 2 months, when pitchers and catchers report and I got apeshit berserk bats bonkers for the Mets.

This is all a lie. I want a Wii so badly. I want all the sports games and I want Mario Galaxy and if I don't have one when the new Smash Brothers game comes out I don't know what I'll do with myself. Why are they still so insanely hard to come by? It's been over a year and half (has it? at least a year anyway...). There is still a line outside Nintendo World in Rockefeller Center every gottdamn morning! every morning! I don't understand this shit anymore! Are they made by hand? One at a time by sloths and turtles and other typically slow creatures? FUCK.

Post Script.

Ziller, I know you have one of these at your disposal, so fuck you for laughing at me, which I'm certain you were. Just remember this: I know where you sleep. (in a bed!)

1 comment:

  1. I'm three stars away from beating Super Mario Galaxy. Come up to Buffalo Land and you can play. And you're right I was laughing at you cause Wiis are fucking awesome.

    I'll let you know how Super Smash Bros is. :-P