Two Ugly Eskimos Sexing During A Yeast-infection
God, I'm clever. And my mom says I'm handsome.
In walked a blonde bombshell, with a face like an angel, a body like a high-class Vegas hooker, and legs that went all the way up...to the point where they stopped. I finished myself off, gave my hands a quick Purell and introduced myself.
"The name's Berbs, Private Dick," I said.
I zipped up.
"What seems to be the problem, Miss...?"
"Manuela," she replied. She totally wasn't Latina, but I was too busy picturing her lezzing out with that chick from 24 to say anything. "And this is the problem."
To sum it up, feet were washing up on the shore of someplace called British Columbia, which is a totally suck-ass name for it, being nowhere NEAR either Britain or Columbia. I digress...
The crazy part is, these feet didn't have people attached to them, as if someone had purposefully cut the person right off of the foot. I asked her why she'd come all the way to the Big Apple for help, when British Columbia is all the way over...wherever the hell it is.
"Why'd you come all the way to the Big Apple for help, when British Columbia is all the way over...wherever the hell it is," I asked.
"Because The Royal Mounted Canadian Police are fucking stupid," she replied. She quoted some Canook bitch to prove it:
"We are exploring the possibility that it could be people who may have drowned," said Annie Linteau, a spokeswoman for the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. "It could be missing fishermen. It could be the remains of people who may have died in a plane crash."
"Our first step is to establish identity," said Constable Sharlene Brooks of the Delta Police Department in British Columbia. "It is a little mysterious, but we don't know if it is linked to others."
I slid back in my chair and adjusted my half-stack (seriously, you should've seen this chick, I wish I had my frickin' camera phone charged so that I could've taken a pic for the Spank Bank) and said, "so that means you're technically on the market again, yes?"
"Weed capital, eh? World, eh?"