Friday, June 20, 2008

Most Expensive Enema Ever

yes, obscured, children, maybe, yes, hell yes.

Have you ever wanted to spend 42 grand to have three gilded cherubs insert a giant gold 800 pound enema into your ass? You have? Why then, you must be from Zheleznovodsk.

"There is no kitsch or obscenity, it is a successful work of art," Alexander Kharchenko told The Associated Press. "An enema is almost a symbol of our region."

Well excuse me, comrade, but where I'm from - the land where the colors do not run - we have symbols like Eagles. No creepy pederast-ian statues of children holding something ready to
forcibly insert into your anus.

The Caucasus Mountains region is known for dozens of spas where enemas with water from mineral springs are routinely administered to treat digestive and other complaints.

I am reminded of my elementary school, when you went to the nurse - regardless of your symptoms, the first question was always: "Have you tried going to the bathroom?" Stomach ache? Have you tried going to the bathroom? Finger bleeding? Have you tried going to the bathroom? Foot's been severed? Have you tried going to the bathroom? ad infinitum. Anyway, back to the statue.

Kharchenko, 50, said the monument cost $42,000 and was installed in a square in front of his spa on Wednesday. A banner declaring: "Let's beat constipation and sloppiness with enemas" — an allusion to a line from "The Twelve Chairs," a famous Soviet film comedy — was posted on one of the spa's walls.

Ok, at first I thought that statue was a little bit much, but that banner adds a touch of class generally reserved for five star establishments. N.B.: remember to rent "The Twelve Chairs, and keep an eye out for the constipation and sloppiness, hilarity is bound to ensue.

Sculptor Svetlana Avakina said she designed the 5-foot-high monument with "irony and humor" and modeled the angels on those in works by Italian Renaissance painter Alessandro Botticelli.

Hi Svetlana, I run this spa, and well... I love your sculptures... You see, I've got a little over forty grand, and it is just burning a hole in my pocket. I'm looking to get people to my spa, and I want them to know this is a classy establishment. I want them to know just what a lovely little place we're running here. Maybe something similar to a Botticelli. I'll leave the rest up to your discretion.

"This device is eternal, it will never change," she told the AP. "We could promote this brand, turn it into a franchise with souvenirs and awards for medical doctors."

The Enny's!

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