Gloucester is For Young Lovers

Or, idiot girls who make pregnancy pacts.

There's a stunning twist to the sudden rise in teen pregnancies at Gloucester High School. 17 students there are expecting and, according to a published report, most of them became that way on purpose.

Ok, that is completely fucking bats insane crazy bonkers nuts. Please tell me the principal was shocked and outraged.

Principal Joseph Sullivan said that wasn't all that was shocking.

Um... Oh. Ok, so... next sentence of the article will probably explain why the principal doesn't find 17 of his students pregnant to be shocking...right?

"We found out one of the fathers is a 24-year-old homeless guy," he told Time.

Whew, that's a relief because.. wait..W$FAWRNF*WE$T?~??!

Normally, the school has about four pregnancies per school year.

Oh, so I can see why more than quadrupling that number isn't remotely unsettling to the guy running the school.

Last month, two top officials at the high school's health center resigned in a fight over contraceptives distribution. Medical Director Dr. Brian Orr and chief nurse practitioner Kim Daly support confidentially giving contraceptives to students. They were outraged about resistance from Addison Gilbert Hospital, which administers the state public health grant that funds the school clinic.

I guess the problem here is that these genius ladies wanted to get pregnant. What good is handing out contraceptives if they're not going to use them anyway, you fucking jackasses. Also, why mention you dole them out confidentially? Was anyone picturing a "calling all whores" type meeting where they're given out en masse?

"Some girls seemed more upset when they weren't pregnant than when they were," Sullivan told the magazine. The pregnant girls and their parents turned down requests to be interviewed.

I can't imagine why someone wouldn't want to discuss their daughter's upcoming birth, fathered by a homeless person. Also, did the homeless person father all 17 of these babies? What's the story with the guys in this high school? Are they complete fucking idiots or were there really just like a bunch of high school junior guys who thought getting some girls pregnant would be fun. I don't like how this article leaves out so much of the logistics. I need to know these things!!!

A recent graduate who had a baby during her freshman year told Time she knows why the girls wanted to get pregnant. "They're so excited to finally have someone to love them unconditionally," Amanda Ireland, 18, said. "I try to explain it's hard to feel loved when an infant is screaming to be fed at 3 a.m."

Haven't any of these fucking morons ever heard of a dog?