Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Coming to terms with your childhood being ruined before your eyes: Comic Book Nerd Edition

couple of sources have said that Gambit(among others) will be making at least a cameo in the Wolverine spin-off movie coming out in 2009.  Part of me thinks this is awesome, but then I remember the part of me that was excited for the Daredevil movie to come out.  

It's weird to try and come to terms with this stuff...  It was always such a pipe dream when I was a kid.  Real life movies of my heros?  Batman was one thing. I mean, the guy has no super powers.  When the movie came out in '89, it made sense.  No serious special effects needed, no major letdown.  Can you imagine if Wolverine's claws had been like, glued on and there was stop motion to make them retract and shit?  Or if Spider-man had been made before the technology....oh.

Anyway, X-Men and Spider-Man were always my two favorite comic books growing up, so I take exception to both franchises making two exceptional movies and then a third movie that sucked harder than .  Anyway, the Wolverine spin-off could be excellent.  I'm sure it won't be though... I'm hoping for death and lots of blood and Omega Red and all kinds of awesome back story too stupid for me to get into at this point, in case anyone still has any respect for me.

So the point I'm driving at is that, even though these movies are all being made now, they aren't really being made for me, or my age group.  This is why they're going after PG-13 ratings, and this is why I have resigned myself to seriously lowered expectations.  

Do I still let myself get worked up into an orgasmic frenzy over certain things?  Of course, I backslide and revert and can't help myself.  The Dark Knight looks good enough to fuck the celluloid.  Iron Man looks full of potential, The Incredible Hulk is starring Ed Norton, whom I would personally do, so, well... there's that...  Anyway.  

Gambit was always one of my favorite X-Men, that accent, that attitude, the way he treated women, it was all great!  But, to be honest, I don't remember much about him other than that he had an accent, had an attitude, and treated objects like women, man.

So part of me is resigned to the fact that these movies are not for me, as much as I want them to be.  

The other part of me, however, is filled with murderous rage because they ruined Rogue, Angel (unless they work in Apocalypse, and also go back in time and uncast Ben Foster), they killed off three insanely pivotal characters... I could go on... and that's just on a franchise I liked!  I could spend at least ten hours ranting about Spider-Man 3 and how awful it was (I won't).  Daredevil I only saw the one time, and that was like, a hundred times too many.  I've never even made it all the way through the Ang Lee Hulk movie.  I liked Superman Returns probably more than I should have.  

It all boils down to this: I think there is a reason grown-ups don't like comic books.  And as soon as I  figure out that reason, I will apply it to my life, and stop weeping like a little bitch every time one of these movies comes out and stabs my childhood in the dick.

It's in Italian, but it was the only clip I could find:
Captain America... I remember losing my shit when this came out.

1 comment:

  1. Ryan Reynolds is playing Deadpool, Taylor Kitsch is Gambit, will.i.am is going to be John Wraith. Oh and Dominic Monaghan is going to be Beak.

    Just be glad, originally the third X Men was supposed to have Gambit but he bailed last minute so they cut his scenes out. And as awesome as Gambit would have been in that movie having one "Juggnernaut, Bitch!" reference is enough, we didn't need to recreate the whole scene.

    Wow, even I'm impressed I knew that. BRB, I have to go make sure that I still have a uterus.