So I didn't really read this article about a new GPS system with a built-in breathalyzer so much as read the headline and immediately think of ways that that could be awesome.
Also, was going to go with this for the headline picture, but decided maybe it was in bad taste... or maybe I just didn't want to have to look at it. The world will never know.
Anyway, I first imagined the breathalyzer congratulating you on how much you've drank. "Dude, you are so not going to understand these directions...You're an animal!"
Then I imagined the GPS not only giving directions but also bad advice. "Turn left here, this is the street where Debra lives. She never understood you, God what a bitch she was. Third house on the left, remember? Egg that shit son."
Or maybe the GPS is an asshole, ".07? What, did you have a glass and a half of Pinot Grigio? Why don't you take the keys out of the ignition, go back to your wine and cheese party and get fucked, you pussy?"
On to my logistical problems with this product:
I guess my biggest question is why on earth would anyone with a penchant for having something to drink and then driving buy this particular GPS system?
Does it just not work if you don't use the breathalyzer? Like, will it just be like "nuh uh, you might be drunk. I'm not giving you directions until you blow!" (followed of course by a sassy robot snapping and making a Z shape with its robot fingers) Because that would be unfair for a number of reasons. One of which is sanitary. Does it come with a number of mouthpieces? What if my friend wants to borrow my car and use the GPS but has halitosis or mouth herpes? Or what if you just don't want to feel the shame of having to tell a map-robot that you had one too many Bartles and James? Is that so wrong? I spend 40 grand on a car and then a couple grand more on a GPS system (I don't know how much they cost and refuse to do this research) and now I'm getting guilt tripped by a living Hagstroms?
Fuck that noise.