Friday, March 28, 2008

Wrong on a Number of Levels

A 37 year old Texas woman is suing mad after TSA made her remove her nipple rings before boarding a flight.

First and foremost, if you are a 37 year old woman, you are too old to have nipple rings. No one should have nipple rings, least of all someone on the brink of cougardom. Nipple rings are not attractive. They are weird, and when viewed make me picture some creepy weird bald, tattooed biker guy jabbing needles into your boobs. Oddly enough, not a turn on.

Secondly, and I guess the actual point of the article, nipple rings are not exactly easy to remove.

"She was taken behind a curtain and managed to remove one bar-shaped piercing but had trouble with the second, a ring.

"Still crying, she informed the TSA officer that she could not remove it without the help of pliers, and the officer gave a pair to her," said Hamlin's attorney, Gloria Allred, reading from a letter she sent Thursday to the director of the TSA's Office of Civil Rights and Liberties.

Hamlin said she heard male TSA agents snickering as she took out the ring. She was scanned again and was allowed to board even though she still was wearing a belly button ring.

"After nipple rings are inserted, the skin can often heal around the piercing, and the rings can be extremely difficult and painful to remove," Allred said in the letter.

Fucking.Ouch. While it's kind of fucked up, but also maybe a little funny because like, who wouldn't find it a little funny, the important thing is that maybe now she'll be like a normal 37 year old woman, free of nipple rings, right?

"Hamlin was publicly humiliated and has "undergone an enormous amount of physical pain to have the nipple rings reinserted" because of scar tissue, Allred said. "

What.the.fuck. Seriously. Notice that nowhere in the article is a husband or boyfriend or girlfriend mentioned. Please understand I do not believe this to be coincidence. Please notice it also stated she had a belly-button ring. If you are out of college and have your naval pierced, you are either a whore or an idiot, and quite possibly both (or possibly neither, but I highly doubt it). My guess is that her flight from Lubbock to Dallas was just the first leg of her trip to South Beach for spring break.

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