Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Man Suing Jail for Making Him Slightly Less Obese

No, seriously.

Broderick Lloyd Laswell is in prison in Arkansas awaiting his murder trial, and he is so hungry he could beat and kill a man... and then set his house on fire. Once a healthy and filled out 413 pounds, B has since withered to an almost skeletal 308 pounds. How could you not want to feed a face like this?

Anyway, the 20 year old says he is only receiving 3,000 calories a day. Or, roughly, 50% more than a human adult requires to live.

When asked to explain what was happening, B said,

"On several occasions I have started to do some exercising and my vision went blurry and I felt like I was going to pass out," Laswell wrote in his complaint. "About an hour after each meal my stomach starts to hurt and growl. I feel hungry again."

Now, if you are a great big fat person, and try to exercise, I do believe those symptoms are normal. But if you are cut from marble and statuesque, as B was before being cruelly and unusually punished in this prison-like "jail" place, something is clearly awry. My dear martyr, do go on:

"If we are in a small pod all day (and) do next to nothing for physical exercise, we should not lose weight," the suit says. "The only reason we lost weight in here is because we are literally being starved to death."

He has even resorted to ceasing all physical activity just so that he doesn't literally die. The same way the man he beat and killed died, though I guess at least you can't burn down a jail cell. Can you?

Hang in there my languishing Adonis, I'll eat this cheeseburger for the both of us.


  1. You sure he's in for murder and not burger? haha, take THAT fatboy!

  2. but while he was in jail he did often say he'd kill for a burger. or rape for a burger.

  3. Does Wendy's still sell the RapeBurger?