Thursday, May 1, 2008

Boy Scout Returns Wallet with 800$ Inside, is Newsworthy, Somehow

Seriously, who does this?

When an 11-year-old Boy Scout found someone's wallet with $800 inside, he understood what the person who lost it was going through.
Only a few weeks before, he had lost his own wallet and the $45 it contained.
J.R. Bouterse immediately told an adult about his discovery, which was turned over to a law-enforcement official and returned to its grateful owner.

If I had found this wallet when I was eleven, I would probably have done one of two things. One would have been immediately spend all eight hundred dollars on comic books and action figures. This is because I was stupid, and wouldn't have thought to think ahead far enough to where my parents would ask me why I suddenly had hundreds of dollars worth of toys and comics. Busted. I'm almost certain that would have happened.

But the more clever me would like to think I would masquerade my greed behind the veil of attempting to be a good person. I'd be smart about it. Knowing that someone was missing 800$, obviously first order of business is to stash away maybe 100$ so the amount is different. Next, ditch the wallet. Some where far from where you found it. Next, report to your parents you found 700$ cash (but lie about where you found it). This way, you look like a good person, and who knows! You might just get a nice little pat-on-the-head type reward from the parents - possibly in the form of toys and comic books.

Also, the kid says he knew what the owner was going through because he had recently lost his wallet with 45$ in it. What 11 year old has 45$ in his wallet? I don't think I even had a wallet when I was 11. The most money I probably ever had on me was like, 5 dollars.
I was going to write "Guess what, you've acheived another merit badge! Being a dick!" , but this is an 11 year old kid who is clearly a better person than I could ever dream of being, so I guess I'll just go over here now...
Also, who carries eight hundred dollars in cash on them? Drug dealers and pimps. That's who. Congratulations kid, you've just given a coke dealer his money back. Go sit in your shame closet.


  1. a 20 year old girl walking around with $800 in her pocket? I don't know what they call those kinds of people around those parts...I don't really know what we call them around here either, all's I'm saying is that someone, at some point in this situation better have at least gotten a handjob out of it.

  2. was it a 20 year old girl? shit, i should read the whole article before i write about it. i guess i should get the merit badge for being a dumb dick