Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Oh it is SO ON. Part 2

Part 1.

"The List."

Ok. Lessgo.

9. "Me So Horny" - 2 Live Crew
As funny as this song was in back in 1989
Aaaaaaaaand stop. You've already made this selection moot. Congratulations.

How could a song that was released in Nineteen Hundred and Eighty Nine, 4 years before Tupac gained noteriety, 5 years before Biggie's debut album, SEVEN FUCKING YEARS BEFORE THE GRAMMYS ADDED A BEST RAP CATEGORY have helped to "kill" hip hop?

Maybe if this was some ingenius time bomb situation where the song slowly crept into the minds of MCs everywhere until there was a major (if indirect) negative impact on the genre of music and community as a whole, MAYBE then put it on the list. Is that your assertion, Mr. Sussman? What are your feelings on "Me so Horny?"
nothing more than shock-pop crap that had no place in the world of hip-hop
That might be why 2 Live Crew isn't around any more. Oh, and one more thing:


Sussman makes a throw away comment that
the lyrical content in their songs had conservatives like George Will shaking in his boots
and then moves on to other nonsensical assinine assertions. What he fails to mention? That the sheriff of the county where 2 Live Crew lived lobbied to get the album listed as "pornography" and later "illegal contraband" because he didn't like colored folk talking about sex. The fucked up thing about it was that a judge in Florida agreed with him, and made the album illegal. ILLEGAL. A local retailer was arrested for selling the album after it was outlawed and several members of 2 Live Crew were arrested for performing live (yes, I'm getting this all from wikipedia, Mr. Sussman. You could have too).

Well what the hell is my point?
In 1992, the United States Court of Appeals for the Eleventh Circuit overturned the obscenity ruling from Jose Gonzales, and the Supreme Court of the United States refused to hear Broward County's appeal.
This is when THE SUPREME COURT stood up for hip hop as a valid form of expression protected under the First Amendment.

In conclusion, (of #9, that is...we're nowhere CLOSE to done) dsussman put the song that basically ensured future rappers the right to rap about whatever they choose on a list of the top 10 songs that killed hip hop.

Oh my God, dsussman. You suck. In fact, you're dsucksman from here on out. Yea I know, a little weak but WHATEVER. IT STANDS.

8. "Ice Ice Baby" – Vanilla Ice

Oh thank God, Dustin. This makes sense. It's so obvious that a human raised by chinchillas in the hills of Argentina who has never come in contact with another person or so much as heard another human voice would know that it belongs on this list. Now, go ahead and mercilessly pummel Mr. Ice and we'll continue with our business.
I had no choice for this one.
No, you pretty much didn't. This, along with a certain large pant-wearing MC named after a tool, marked the beginning of rap's true commericalization. This is the time when record companies tried to make rap music...well, acceptable for old white people. Which was all well and good but this is really where stuff started to
I feel like Vanilla was a pretty sincere dude when it came down to his music.
Excuse me?
The guy was spittin’ Miami raps,
Oh God no. You're defending him, aren't you?
throwin’ down synchronized dance moves and just plain doin’ his thing.



I just killed someone. Harold from accounting. I went into the men's room here at the office to break a window or bash a urinal, something, ANYTHING to diffuse the rage that Mr. Sussman has just awoken by defending Vanilla Ice, and there was Harold. "Hi Mike," he said. "Bye Harold," I replied. I put him in the stall that's always out of order. Hopefully no one will find him for a while.

/takes deep breath

Mr. Sussman. How on EARTH can you try to defend Vanilla Ice? You had no problem claiming 50 Cent has this anti-music evil commerical empire agenda going on, or dismissing the relevance of 2 Live Crew in hip hop, but you feel it necessary to defend VANILLA FUCKING ICE? Please. Continue.
But back in 1990, this song pretty much took on a life of its own and would go on to be one of the more hated songs in hip-hop history.
"Pretty much took on a life of its own?" What's that even supposed to mean, in this context? It's pop music. That's sorta how it works. You market a song, put it out on the radio and if you're lucky it "takes a life of its own" and gets popular. Pop. Music. Popular. Music. Savvy? As for it becoming one of the more hated songs in hip-hop history? Give me one good fucking reason it doesn't deserve to be hated. This dude was fucking corny as all get out, the lyrics suck (I frankly don't care that you and all your boys from high school would TOTALLY scream every word at all the semis after getting drunk on wine coolers), and HE BLATANTLY STEALS FROM A DAVID BOWIE SONG AND TRIES TO PASS IT OFF AS A DIFFERENT SONG. This is a HUGE reason that sampling has been underrated as an art form, because of dipshits like this going on TV and saying "mines is like 'ding ding ding dingading ding,' while his is all 'ding ding ding dingdingding ding,' so it's like totes diff."
It’s kinda sad that this man had no control of how people in the hip-hop community would react to the popularity of this record.
It's kinda sad you likely got paid to make this list, Dustin.

7. "Too Legit To Quit" - MC Hammer

Christ. I feel like we're 10,000 words into this bitch and I've covered three fucking songs. Whatever. Onward!
I can’t deny that “Addams Groove” was a worse song than “Too Legit,”
Then why did you choose 2 Legit? Addams Groove was a worse song, and it was (as far as I can remember) the first time a rap song was written for and about a movie, which began a really terrible string of cross-marketing rap songs (most notably terrible would include Wild Wild West and the Rugrats Rap Song, which I still can't decide is the worst or best thing created by humans to date). That would've been something you could argue helped "kill" hip hop. But no. You decided to go with 2 Legit 2 Quit. Explain yourself, young man.
Hammer’s first single off his 1991 LP seemed to almost flush the entire hip-hop/rap scene down the crapper.
How, exactly?
The size and scope of “Too Legit” helped push Hammer even further away from his musical roots in Oakland
The roots that were apparently healthy and full of "realness" when he dropped "Can't Touch This" lookin likethis?
If it wasn’t for The Chronic, I don’t know what I would have done with myself.

By the way: 2 Legit 2 Quit was released in 1991. The Chronic was released in 1995. So way to completely make up an anecdote to make yourself seem cool.

Such a douche.

6. "Gettin' Jiggy wit It" - Will Smith
I give Will Smith credit for making clean hip hop for the masses, but when Big Willie Style dropped in 1997 I had honestly had enough.
Me too, dsucksman. Wow, maybe we would be friends if we met each other. Now how did this help to "kill" hip hop?
It was like a hip-hop covers record from start to finish.
Okaaaaaay...and this helped kill hip hop becaaaaauuuse...



"Just the Two of Us"? Fresh Prince, please.
dsucksman, this is not a "Top 10 Hip Hop Songs That I Personally Don't Care For," it's a list that...you know what? Forget it. Just...forget it.

to be continued...

1 comment:

  1. I've decided: The Rugrats Rap Song is without a doubt the Best with a capital B thing created by humans to date.