And The Lord Said, Let There Be Kizzy Up Thy Nizzy

A Catholic Priest was arrested at the University of Illinois, and is being charged with selling cocaine to co(ke?)-eds. In his defense, the priest stated he was simply doing God's work, while God himself is incarcerated.

A Catholic priest on the University of Illinois campus has been charged with selling cocaine from his church office and rectory.

Now, unless you're me (you aren't, and you never will be, tough guy), there's a real good chance you have no clue what a rectory is. It is essentially where Priests live and do their administrative type work. So essentially guy was selling out of his home.

The Reverend Christopher Layden pleaded not guilty Thursday to two counts of delivery of less than 1 gram of cocaine within 1,000 feet of a church and one count of possession with intent to deliver 1 to 15 grams of cocaine near a church.

Wait... WHAT?! Why the fuck is proximity to a church a factor to his criminal charges? If anything being close to a church seems to be a mitigating factor, at least in terms of priests' troubles. Anyway, so many kids at that school probably just had their spots blown the fuck up. "What are you doing after class, son?" "Oh me and some friends are going to meet Reverend Layden for a prayer session and some Bible studies. It can get really intense. We just talk and talk and talk, sometimes till dawn!" "Well that's just wonderful."

The 33-year-old was arrested Wednesday at St. John's Catholic Newman Center after investigators found 3 grams of cocaine and drug paraphernalia while searching his home and office. His bond was set at $50,000.

I have to imagine some goody two-shoes bitch ate cheese and sold him out. Can you imagine how pissed at God he must be right now? Are you there God, it's me, Christopher Layden. Thanks for fucking me here, since I've spend life not banging chicks even though I'm on a college campus and some shitty old book sort of says not to get laid. Shit, even Jedis can marry, and that was a long ass time ago (in a galaxy far far away).

The Catholic Diocese of Peoria says it has suspended Layden.

Which is a far harsher punishment than what he would have gotten from the Diocese if had molested a small child, so like, great?

His attorney, Mark D. Lipton, did not immediately respond to an after hours message seeking comment.

Nope, he responded after a brief pause and said, "Look, my client loves his God. He also loves to party. Is that a crime? Oh, right."