Whore Day Continues at The Gallimaufry

So I'm sure when you're sitting there thinking about these economic hard times, one of your first thoughts is probably: But how is this affecting New York City prostitutes? Well you're in luck, guy thinking that, because the Daily News is here to help.

The plunging Dow Jones and panicky investors are hardly a problem for the world's oldest profession, where business is still brisk.

Because since the dawn of man, plenty of men have been too pathetic to get laid on their own, and plenty of women have been smart (and also icky) enough to exploit these sad bastards.

"The market is down, business is down, but we feel it less," said Dylan, 24, a promotional model-turned- Manhattan prostitute. "We're still busy."

She then added, "What I mean is we feel it less, like we're not as sore... because like I said business is down. So instead of getting pounded 45 times in a twenty-four hour period, maybe I'm getting rammed like 37 times. It's sort of a nice lil' vacay- for my money maker. Box. And by still busy, I mean of course getting busy![several winks and rapid raising and lowering of eyebrows]"

The long-haired, long-legged hooker then explained why the red-light district remains a blue-chip commodity: "If men are horny, they're going to come in here."

Oh, well thanks for that detailed explanation, sexy Alan Greenspan.

Dylan works for a Manhattan madam who runs a pair of prostitution dens north of Wall Street. Unlike the $4,000-an-hour girls of male fantasies or gubernatorial road trips, Madame Sadie's employees charge $260 for 60 minutes - or $160 for 30 minutes.

Ok, well I guess that kind of answers exactly what kind of nasty lady Lil K Swiss was getting for his money. Also, is it me or is it weird that they charge by the hour? I would have thought there would be like a menu. Like $260 for the whole shebang (umm pun intended?), and maybe $160 for a BJ and etc. Because like once you pony up and pay for a whole hour, do you just do whatever you want? What if the dude is into handcuff and noose-play? Does that shit cost extra or is it included?

"The $1,000-an-hour girls are just not making it" with the economic downturn, the madam said. The faltering economy actually drove two of her newer employees to the madam's sex-peddling service from other careers.

Yea, I mean, it's like, you have to be a reasonably priced whore. You can't be too expensive because you'll lose business. But you can't be too cheap or else you'll attract gangs who might shoot you in the back if you get sleepy. It's a fine line. Being a whore in these troubled times.

Shana, 42, lost her $45,000-a-year job as a secretary last year. Sienna was laid off in July from her job as an executive assistant with a travel agency.

Am I alone in wondering if that's her real name? Because like what are the odds someone she knows is reading this and is like "Oh shit Shana got fired and is a hooker now?!" I guess what I'm really saying is that I wish I knew someone who got fired and became a prostitute. Not knew like, super well or anything, but was acquainted with so I could have a funny story to tell my friends.

Shana, who worked briefly as a waitress before hooking up with her current gig, is putting her son through college. "He's trying to get an engineering degree," she explained. "With the economy the way it is, how is my son going to get a loan? And he's going to finish college."

Never addressed of course is the question on the tip of everyone's tongue... does he know what you're doing to put him through college?!! Can't he engineer some way to make his mom not a whore? See what I did there?

Co-worker Sara, a 26-year-old former hairstylist, said her services provide businessmen with a break from the grim realities of their 9-to-5 jobs.

She then added that her services provide her with a belly full of semen and sore vagina.

"Some of them seem depressed, and they just want a place to get away from it," said the petite, dark-haired woman.

Maybe I'm alone here, but I've never been depressed and thought "You know what would make me feel a lot better? Paying for sex with some sleazy woman. I'll make it rain, then feel right as rain."

Sienna, who's earning a graduate degree in English literature, mentioned a Manhattan banker who's among her regulars. He now spends less time and money - although he doesn't miss his regular appointments.

So in turn she makes it a point to yawn and roll her eyes and look at her watch and read Tolstoy while he's nailing her.

But Dylan said business was steadier in her new position than when she was chasing down modeling jobs. "The money is good in that field," she said, "but you don't always get the work."

So she's a lazy whore, basically. "Man, I loved modeling, but you had to do all this work. Going places, trying to meet people. Bullshit all around. Being a whore I don't even have to leave this room! All I have to do is lie there and take it like a...well a whore I guess."