Germany to Re-Air History on TV, Based on a Book. Oh and Using Playmobil Toys

If that title sounds stupid and confusing, it is because of two things: my inability to write well, and the fact that this story is completely bats.

Two German entertainers will use hundreds of Playmobil men to re-enact the history of Germany from 1949 until 1990 on live television, a spokeswoman for the production company said on Thursday.

Ok. That's more than a little odd... So these guys will be reenacting history? Also - live television? So you're going to have to like, watch some asshole playing with these things? It's not like stop-motion animation or something? Holy crow is that stupid. I'll just let you continue here for a second...

The re-enactment is based on a 500-page book by German historian, Hans-Ulrich Wehler and will be aired on Thursday night on public channel ARD, said the spokeswoman for Bonito TV.

At no point do they mention Hans' reaction to this. Or whether or not this was all run by him and ok'd. Because like imagine being a historian - a respectable job, and then being approached to license your book into a television program. Exciting, right? Then later you find out that what they meant was a television program in which Playmobil men reenact scenes from the book. I have to imagine the sentiment felt after that second bit varies greatly from that first bit. I wouldn't know though, all my books were licensed into movies...by me.

"We want to show that today's television still has something to do with culture," comedian Harald Schmidt told German daily newspaper Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung

Couple of things here. First, a comedian said that. You don't think maybe he was joking? In a sentence stating that playmobil men reenacting history on television has something to do with culture? Secondly, tee hee...Frankfurter.

Schmidt is known for havingreenactedd other episodes of history, including the first moon landing, in the past using Playmobil figures which are less than 10 centimetres tall.

You know who else is known for having reenacted other episodes of history with playmobil men? Children.

But this show will be more of a challenge than any of the previous ones, mainly because of the complicated plot and the number of toy figures involved, he told the paper.

To which someone should have responded, "Well it's kind of a stupid idea to begin with, no?" Playmobil toys are meant to be played with by yourself in your room so you can make them do stuff not fit for live television. Like swear and have playmosex. Plus it's more fun to play with those toys and fuck with history, not portray it accurately. Make a toy save JFK in Dallas, make the astronauts have to fight a monster on the moon. Make some huge political leader have sex with various animals and zombies or something, I don't know, they're your toys, do what you want. I don't care, I can't even read, I'm a cat.

If all the figures were lined up next to each other, they would span a distance of over 12 metres, said FAZ.

That's a lot of toys! Oh wait, I mean... Who cares?

Rehearsals have been going on for weeks for the performance which is planned to last for just fifteen minutes.

Only 15 minutes?! I was expecting a like, full length feature! How do you cover like 40 years of German history in 15 minutes -oh right! with... playmobil... toys? More importantly, several people have had to answer the question "So what have you been up to?" By answering, "Rehearsing for my Playmobil history show, in which I will be playing with Playmobil men on live television." And thus obviously scoring tons of ass.