But I Rearry Rearry Ruv Her!!!

In an effort to do little other than get the pic of chocolate ice cream poo off the top of the 'Mauf, here's a report about a Japanese man who wants to marry a cartoon character. I promise to put in as many pics of scantily clad super-babes and as much racism toward Asisans as I possibly can.

I'd like to chop her suey, huh? HUH?

A JAPANESE man has enlisted hundreds of people in a campaign to allow marriages between humans and cartoon characters, saying he feels more at ease in the "two-dimensional world".

I'd like to address something I think has been missing in the hard-hitting analysis (hehe that word has "anal" and "sis" in it heh, heh, hehehehehe) here at the 'Mauf (hehehe, I've been doing "anal" with your "sis" hehehehehehehehehe), and it's this: whenever someone asks for something this fuck-tarded, (say they want to marry a pinapple or help a 2 year old get their drink on) why are they always humored?!? I feel like the conversation should go like this:

SushiForOne: Hey I want to marry a fictional comic book character!

GuyInCharge: No. That's fucking stupid.

SushiForOne: I'm going to get a petition that says you should let me!

GuyInCharge: Spoiler Alert: I'm going to rip up said petition the moment you hand it to me.

SushiForOne: Hm. Maybe I'll think of something less fuck-tarded to do today, then.

GuyInCharge: Yes, why don't you try that, it'd be lovely.

But noooooooooooooooooo...

Taichi Takashita launched an online petition aiming for one million signatures to present to the government to establish a law on marriages with cartoon characters.Within a week he has gathered more than 1000 signatures through.

This should probably let you know that your idea is not particularly a good one. A nation of roughly 700 trillion people, and you get 1,000 people who think you're not a complete taintlicker over the span of an entire week. And this is the internet we're talking about, folks! You can put makeup on and cry in front of a bed sheet and get a million people to peep your shit in like, 5 minutes!

"I am no longer interested in three dimensions. I would even like to become a resident of the two-dimensional world," he wrote.

Great. That's...that's just great. You know, I'd love to be the "New Putty Cat Tester" at the Playboy Mansion, but it ain't happening. And my thing is actually a physical possibility in reality...you know, where your dumb ass LIVES?

"However, that seems impossible with present-day technology."

PRESENT DAY TECHNOLOGY?!? As in, you believe one day science will bless us with a machine that turns people into drawings? Oh wait...we actually have a machine in place that does JUST that!!! It's called a fucking pencil. You imbecile.

Therefore, at the very least, would it be possible to legally authorise marriage with a two-dimensional character?"

Why the fuck do you need it to be legal??? I mean, does BatGirl have a better health insurance policy than you??? I'm pretty sure if you're on your death bed you can have a copy of the Dark Phoenix Saga and they won't give you much guff.

Me Ruv You RONG Time!!!

Well what Mr. MushiMushiWalkieTalkie's followers lack in number, they more than make up for in utter pathetic-ness.

"For a long time I have only been able to fall in love with two-dimensional people and currently I have someone I really love," one person wrote.

Right, is that because two-dimensional people are the only kind of people who will stay in the same room with you for more than 10 seconds? That's like saying "I seem to only fall for porn stars I whack off to at 3 AM" and trying to blame it on girls I meet for not being more like internet porn sluts.

...Acutally, I do do that. (hehe, doodoo)

**Searches for Asian Stereotype** Um...uh.....Hiiii-YAAAA?

In conclusion:

WooooOOOoooOOOooow...I don't know whether to fuck her or eat her! Also I'm very good at math.