You Can't Rape Your Wife. Seriously, It's Impossible.

So if you're seeking marriage advice, and also happen to have a penchant for hitting your loved one and also sort of... you know... forcing sex on your wife, you might want to check out Samir Abu Hamza's "Keys To a Successful Marriage"

Coburg's self-styled cleric Samir Abu Hamza said despite Australian rape laws it was impossible for a man to rape his wife even if she refused to have sex with him, the Herald Sun reports.

Impossible. Never mind that rape is generally defined as any act of sexual intercourse that is forced upon a person. So you see, if you are married, you own this woman. Now, before we go off thinking "Oh wow, what a misogynist asshole this Hamza is!" I say we hear him out.

In a recorded lecture entitled "The Keys to a Successful Marriage", delivered to his male worshippers but now broadcast on the internet and viewed by several thousand people,
Mr Hamza said Islamic law allowed men to hit their wives as a last resort, but they were not to make them bleed or become bruised.

See? You can hit, but not bruise or cut! It's practically inhumane not to hit them! Also, when does one decide when an argument and words have reached the need for a last resort? And how exactly does one hit someone without it leading to bruises or blood? Can't you just hit them where the bruises won't show? And now what about this sex stuff... I mean, whenever he wants? What if she's busy?

"If the husband was to ask her for a sexual relationship and she is preparing the bread on the stove she must leave it and come and respond to her husband, she must respond," Mr Hamza told his male followers on the video sermon.

Well... ok, that seems reasonable... I guess? But so like, aren't there still laws to contend with? You know... the rape-y ones?

He then mocked Australia's criminal laws, which required consent for sex to be lawful. "In this country if the husband wants to sleep with his wife and she does not want to and she hasn't got a sickness or whatever, there is nothing wrong with her she just does not feel like it, and he ends up sleeping with her by force ... it is known to be as rape," Mr Hamza said. "Amazing, how can a person rape his wife?"

To anyone wondering, yes. Yes he did answer his own question immediately prior to asking it. You'd think if you're going to give a huge lecture to people on marriage and shit, you'd at least do like 5 seconds of research to see what Marriage actually is. Like, people go to jail for hitting their legally purchased dogs. Yet for someone you love and whom is under law your equal. It's ok to rape them and hit them. Someone needs to explain this to me better. And then explain it to PETA, so that I can get these "dog-rape" charges dropped. Anyway, when reached for comment, Hamza said basically, leave me the fuck alone.

"Don't call me, don't bother me and please don't call me ever again," he said.

Now, I often see stupid things and certain (fat) people and think "Well this is why people hate America." It seems it is pretty much that way regardless of what you're talking about - America, Islam, Christians, etc. etc. It's always a stupid few who ruin it for the sane, normal rest of the group. So I know there are probably people who will see this article and think things like "This is why we need to win the war in Iraq." And the thought that people like that exist drives me to edge of suicide pretty much every day.

So here's the video. I'll be honest. I didn't watch it. I got the gist from this article, and plus: thing's like 50 minutes long. Come on!


Back to the article,

Islamic Council of Victoria vice-president Sherene Hassan said Islam did not condone domestic violence. "The Prophet Mohammed stated 'The best of you is he who is kindest to his wife'," Ms Hassan said.

To which I have to say: Well, I mean, dude did say as a last resort... and he did say no bruising... and plus, even if she's busy preparing the bread on the stove, she was totally aching for it anyway, and will probably thank you for it later... If for no other reason than to try and get you to stop hitting her.