ALLOW ME TO REINTRODUCE MYSELF

Bitches, hoes, hustlas, pimps, playas, prozzies, and old dudes who stand on the corner trading blow J's for metro cards (hi Jerrell!),

I have returned.

...The fuck do you mean, you didn't know I had gone anywhere?!?!? I haven't been blogging for like, weeks! I was being held down by the MAN (which, in this case I believe to be the firewalls set up at my place of employment). I have RISEN ABOVE. Really? Never noticed? I mean, you haven't seen heror him
Really? None of this rings a-- fuck it. Let's dance.

Court OKs sex between teachers, 18-year-olds

Ain't no party like a stat rape party cuz a stat rape party DON'T STOP!!!!

Well, I guess it do stop when the po-po roll up and hear your mix CD of all the "sexiest" Jonas Brothers songs and see all the Zimas with Jolly Ranchers dissolving in them. Sometimes the party don't even get to start at all, and then you just have to talk to this dude. BUZZKILL, amiright? Anyhoo,

SEATTLE - Washington state law does not bar teachers from having consensual sex with 18-year-old students, an appeals court ruled Tuesday in dismissing a case against a former high school choir teacher.

I am literally ALREADY enrolled in a teaching certification program in Seattle. I think the lady in enrollment got a little weirded out when I made her swear on her children's lives (twice) that this whole "OK to poke 18-y's thing" was legit. Whatevs. People can judge me all they want. I defer to a much wiser man than I: (0:50 mark)

So this whole thing is about some teacher in Washington who was diddling the piddle with a student of his. An 18 year old student of his. People had a "problem" with this, presumably because it might "compromise" her getting a fair shake at school, perhaps getting an automatic "A" on the midterm if she let him do it indabutt or something.

Oh and also because she's a little kid and he's in his 30's.

But what people are neglecting to see here is that this is AMERICA, fuckheads. If something is technically legal, it doesn't matter if it's actually the "wrong" thing to do, or if it's "unethical" or if it "fucks up the psyche of a delicate impressionable youth for the rest of her life." All that shit is for tree fucking pansy lovin hippy farts who'd rather make out in a tub of cafe lattes and tranny jizz than say the Pledge of 'Legiance. Legal or not legal..."unlegal," we'll call it. That's it.

[Kiddy fucker] challenged a judge's refusal to dismiss his case, arguing the student wasn't a minor because she was 18.

BLAM!!! Count tha shellz, SUCKADUCK! LEGAL.

Hirschfelder, who was 33 at the time, also denies any sexual relationship occurred.

HAH! Are you fuckin' serious? I would've paid good money to be there for this guy's defense claims...

This is PREPOSTEROUS!!! The girl is 18. 18!!!!!! She's not a minor! I did not have sex with a minor!!! She's 18!!! This is AMERICA, I should be able to tie her up and harness her to a Cirque de Soleil-style series of wires and pulleys, don a similar contraption and fuck her in a simulated zero-gravity Tarzan swing-fucking type situation!!! She's 18 FOR GOD'S SAKE!!! Oh. And um, also...I did not have sexual relations with that girl. WOMAN! I meant woman, she's 18, she's a woman, and what I did is TOTALLY LEGAL!!! I mean, what i would've done...if I had...copulated...with this gi-- woman. But I didn't. Fuck her, that is. Um...can I start over?

Sexual contact with students younger than 16 is considered child rape or molestation; the age of consent in Washington is 16.

DAYUM, son. 16 is the age of consent? That's EDIT: My lawyer suggested I refrain from letting you know how I feel about boinking 16 year olds. BUZZKILL

Oh by the way, I decided to do a little investigative journalism for this piece, and looked up the laws regarding sexual contact in West Virginia. All I found in the state records was this picture:

That's all. Nice to be back, pigfuckers.