Well, I Mean... That's What You Get... Also?

If I were a policeman, and suspected my slag whore of a wife of cheating on me with my best friend, I would probably use my resources as a cop to obtain cctv footage of pubs and stuff where they'd been meeting, then go on to beat her and throw her outside naked so everyone could see her for the whore she is. If this sounds insane and awful... well that's what she gets... right?

A policeman attacked his wife and shoved her naked out of their front door after CCTV footage showed she was having an affair with his best friend, a court heard yesterday.

Ok... well maybe I wouldn't do it... but this guy sure did! While on the one hand I am all for public humiliation for things, especially when she's fucking your best friend... I can't say I condone the violence aspect of the whole thing... I mean, throwing her outside naked? Perfectly acceptable. Look - If we're going to find it funny when a woman puts up a billboard like this, we have to agree the other side of that coin is funny too, no? Anywho, let's have a look at the lovely couple.

Mr. Wonderful!

Whoreslag!

PC Andrew Liptrot, 47, seized camera footage from two pubs where he suspected the couple had met before confronting his wife Karen at home. He then grabbed the 38-year-old British Airways stewardess and ripped her dressing gown from her body, the court was told. ‘I had nothing underneath,’ Mrs Liptrot said. ‘He was holding my wrists and I was nervous. I was scared. He grabbed my arm and called me a slag and a whore.'

He probably called you a slag and a whore because well... slagg-y shoe fits... Also. Domestic violence being awful enough as it is aside, if you're a cop and you're using sketchy means to find this stuff out... isn't domestic violence and public humiliation kind of a bad idea? I mean... You're a cop... But alright though. Just sort of dragged you outside, called you names. That's the end of it at least, right? You then decided to act like an adult and just sort of end the whole marriage thing and etc?

Peter Davies, prosecuting, said Liptrot, a crime prevention officer, eventually allowed his wife back into the house and ordered her into the bedroom where he attacked her again. He swung her round by the hair, hit her in the left buttock and struck her on the temple but stopped the attack when she started to cry, the court heard.

Oh... Well... Lest you think this man is a monster, let it be known that he did stop when she started crying. I mean, I'm not going to say the guy is a hero or anything, but never let anyone tell you he is merciless. And so there it ended... right?

Mr Davies said Liptrot attacked her again six days later when she refused to have sex with him.

Eeesh. So after your best friend has been stirring your vanilla... you actually wanted to have sex with her again? And you... have been living in relative calm for the past 6 days? What the hell, why would you do that?

The following day, Mrs Liptrot took her two children to her parents’ house. They called the police. Yesterday Liptrot, from Lostock Hall, Preston, appeared in court to deny three charges of assault.

FYI, here's how they're saying these bruises happened (I'm skipping around a bit in the article because either it's super long or my ADD has grown exponen...hey a nickel!)

Rick Holland, defending, suggested Mrs Liptrot’s injuries were caused by a kinky bondage session the night before. He told her: ‘You had bought a pair of handcuffs from Ann Summers and you and your husband were involved in consensual sexual contact. You had handcuffs on your wrists and you suffered slight injuries.’ The jury was told that Liptrot, who had been a police officer for ten years but resigned this month, had earlier pleaded guilty to seven counts of misconduct in a public office relating to accessing police files and obtaining the CCTV footage.

So he quit after illegally obtaining this footage that implicated his wife in an affair with his best friend... but after that they bought dangers sex toys that resulted in bruises and cuts? Sounds reasonable to me. But what do I know (don't answer that, thanks).


I'd also like to point out that at no point does this article explain what, if anything he did to his 'best friend'. Shouldn't there be some comeuppance in the works for him? Like, shouldn't Liptrot's lawyer be like "You are going to buy a noose and have more consensual sex with my clients wife and you will suffer slight hanging related death injuries." or something? Whatever. Where's Bud White when you need him?