Barack Obama MotherF@cker!

In honor of his acceptance speech last night, here is all I could think of the entire time Barack spoke:

Shockingly, Pope Doesn't Like Crucifrog

Before I get to the article in question, I'd like to give you a quick history of crucifixion, with a little help from my bestest wikifriendia:

Crucifixion probably originated with ancient Persians. There is evidence, that captured pirates were crucified in the port of Athens in the 7th century BC. Alexander the Great introduced the practice throughout his empire. He once crucified a general who disagreed with his campaign plans.

... And then the Romans...

Crucifixion was used for slaves, rebels, pirates and especially-despised enemies and criminals. Therefore crucifixion was considered a most shameful and disgraceful way to die. Condemned Roman citizens were usually exempt from crucifixion (like feudal nobles from hanging, dying more honorably by decapitation) except for major crimes against the state, such as high treason.

So for longer than John McCain's been alive (zing! motherfucker!), people have been punishing criminals by way of crucifixion. So who fucking cares that there's a stupid piece of "art" depicting a frog being killed in similar fashion, right? Oh, that's right. The Pope.

A modern art sculpture portraying a crucified green frog holding a beer mug and an egg that Pope Benedict has condemned as blasphemous may have its days numbered.

What! Come on! How is it fucking blasphemous?! 1. It's a frog. Jesus? Not a frog(...or was he?). 2. Frog holding egg and beer mug. Jesus? Did not die holding either a beer mug or an egg. (...or did he?) 3. As I pointed out earlier, thousands and thousands of criminals were killed in this fashion... If he had put a little sign under it saying like, "This frog was a murderer", would it have been ok then? People worship Aliens, for fuck's sake, but you don't hear Tom Cruise complaining about their portrayal in shit movies like Signs or something. Does that analogy make the slightest bit of sense? I can't really tell. Anyway. Why are Crucifrog's days numbered?

The board of the Museion museum in the northern city of Bolzano were meeting on Thursday to choose whether to side with the pope and other opponents of the frog or with proponents who say it should be defended as a work of art.

Look. I get that they're in Italy and everyone over there loves Jesus, like a lot or whatever. But seriously, don't you assholes have better shit to do? Also, I'd like to point out I'm not defending it as a work of art. It's a fucking stupid frog being crucified while holding an egg and a beer mug, it's fucking dumb. Oooooh how weird and out there, better say I like even though I don't fucking get it and it looks retarded. I'd also like to point out that this frog has "opponents".

The wooden sculpture by the late German artist Martin Kippenberger depicts a frog about 1 meter 4 feet high nailed to brown cross and holding a beer mug in one outstretched hand and an egg in another.

That's awesome that the thing is so huge, actually. I think I kind of like it now.

Called "Zuerst die Fuesse," (Feet First), it wears a green loin cloth and is nailed through the hands and the feet in the manner of Jesus Christ. Its green tongue hangs out of its mouth.

"In the manner of Jesus Christ" as opposed to say, "In the manner of literally thousands of criminals". I mean shit, two other guys - criminals - were crucified right next to Jesus. Also, there's a picture of the fucking thing at the top of the article, I'm not sure why they feel the need to describe it again, like someone is going to read this and be like "oooh so it's his tongue that's hanging out of his mouth!"

Museum officials in the northern bi-lingual Alto Adige region near the Austrian border said the artist, who died in 1997, considered it a self-portrait illustrating human angst.

...So... Mr. Kippinger thought of himself as... a frog who really liked beer and eggs? It's not easy being green? I... one groom! two grooms!? But he.. But I.. Oooooh my medication. Anyway, this is rigoddamndiculous.

Pope Benedict, who is German himself and was recently on holiday not far from Bolzano, obviously did not agree.

I'm curious to know what exactly Joey "The Rat Zinger" Ratzinger's heritage has to do with anything. Hey! He's a German, I'm part German, what say we pretend this whole thing never happened!

The Vatican wrote a letter of support in the pope's name to Franz Pahl, president of the regional government who opposed the sculpture.

"Surely this is not a work of art but a blasphemy and a disgusting piece of trash that upsets many people," [Franz] Pahl[president of the regional government who opposed the sculpture.] told Reuters by telephone as the museum board was meeting.

See, I'd be willing to meet you halfway on this one, but you had to use the blasphemy word. How is it blasphemous, exactly?

The Vatican letter said that the work "wounds the religious sentiments of so many people who see in the cross the symbol of God's love."

Oooooh I am soooo sorry! I wounded your religious sentiment with my frog sculpture! Even if I were a devout Catholic or something, I think I'd be more confused than offended by the thing, I think mainly because of the beer mug and the egg... what the fuck is up with those things? And is the symbol of God's love really tainted by a frog? Really? I get it. It's your symbol for God's love. You know what else it is? A fucking lower case t.

The museum then moved the statue out of its foyer and into a less trafficked area on the third floor.
But Pahl's opposition was unflagging and he has threatened to resign as regional president unless it is removed altogether.

God I hope he quits. "Why'd you resign?" "They refused to move a statue of a frog." "Oh..."

Art experts defend the work.
"Art must always be free and the artist should not have any restrictions on freedom of expression," Claudio Strinati, a superintendent for Rome's state museums, told an Italian newspaper on Thursday.

He then added, "To be fair though, it's a fucking 7 foot statue of a fucking frog being crucified while holding an egg and a beer stein, so what the fuck do I know."

John McCain Plans to Do Something "Exciting." His Heart Doctor is VERY Nervous.

I honestly believe that John McCain wants Obama to win this election. In a country where you have to win a good portion of the South and the Midwest to take the presidency, McCain can realistically take a nap until Election Day and still have a fairly good chance of taking this thing.

Because Obama's a Muslim. And his Christian Pastor is crazy, too. Obviously.

Fuckin' rednecks. Anyway,

(CNN) – John McCain will directly address rival Barack Obama Thursday night, in an ad the Arizona senator's campaign is calling "exciting and unprecedented."

OoooooOOOoooooOOOooooo exciting and unprecendented? Um...yeah. I'd gladly empty my bank account and wager all of my money that the ad is going to be another stupid mudslinging piece of shit that will try to argue that Obama is either too young, too well-liked, or too kickass to be president. Or some such shit.

The ad, set to run in crucial battleground states, is the McCain campaign's latest in a series of attempts to pull media attention away from the Democratic National convention as Obama gets ready to accept his party's presidential nomination.

Good luck there, Orville Redenbacher. I'm sure your new commercial about tax policies and a free Rascal program for your bingo-night buddies is going to beat out Stevie Wonder, Jessica Alba, Rosario Dawson, N.E.R.D., and Sheryl Crow, not to mention the first time a presidential candidate has ever accepted the nomination in front of a GI-FUCKIN-NORMOUS crowd of actual people, not just douchebags with old-timey barbershop hats and dumbass pins.

The McCain campaign would reveal little details about the commercial,

"It's crotchety, I can tell you that much," said an insider to the McCain camp.

but said it would air around the time Obama is slated to speak before an estimated 75,000 spectators at Invesco field.

Maybe he'll surprise everybody. Maybe this will be a news-worthy commerical. Maybe he'll drop the N Bomb? He was alive during slavery, right?

Dr. Pemulis' Good Time Family Subway Solution (Berbalerbs Remix): Step Step Stop

Hi Kiddies! Dr. Pemulis asked me if I could come in and tell you all a nice little story of the super-cuckoo stuff that happens on the New York Subway that irks the ever-loving fuckjuice out of me.
Today's topic: Door Blockers

"Chee wor hard for dee monee, bap bap, bap bap, sooooo hard for dee monee bap bap, bap bap"

The space by the doors on the subway is a coveted bit of real estate. I get it. You can lean back if you like, you don't have to hold on to anything, you can dance while staring at yourself in the reflection from the window, and if there's an attractive lady sitting in the seat next to where you're standing, you can check out her cleavage while you convince yourself she only looks 14. And, of course, you're first in line to get off the train! All in all, a pretty nice fuckin' space to stand on the subway.

Which is why some New Yorkers like to "call dibbs" on the spot. In the most retarded, asshole-ish way possible.

Picture this, if you will: it's 8:56 AM. You're standing in the Hoyt-Schermehorn station in Brooklyn waiting for the A/C train to wisk you away to another day of expense reports, flight arrangements, spreadsheets, and trying to rub one out beneath your desk without being conspicuous. You're a little miffed because you spilled some of your delicious Dunkin Donuts iced coffee on your new white shirt, which you knew was going to happen because every single fucking time you wear a white shirt, this type of shit happens and you don't even know how the fucking coffee got on your shirt because you're always doubly fucking careful with a white shirt on and--

You get the picture. Shitty morning already.

So the train pulls up, and there are quite a few people getting on, which is normal for rush hour on a weekday. There's only one person ahead of you in line to get on the train, so you're thinking "not bad, might have an off chance of grabbing a seat or a coveted doorway spot."

BING. BONG.(hehe, "bong," hehe)

The train doors open. Dude in front of you steps on. Stops.

The car is not full. There are many people still boarding the train (including you) and. this. mother. fucking. goober. stops.

Ladies and Gentlemen of New York City: if you really fucking need your little doorway spot that badly, if your bones are too brittle to stand without support on all sides of you (NOTE: most of these door blocking asscakes are big young guys with either a business suit or a fitted back Yankees cap on) FINE, take a step onto the subway, TURN FUCKING SIDEWAYS and proceed to annoyingly bump everyone as they board the train, and return to your precious little fucking standing space. BUT AT LEAST LET THE REST OF US GET ON THE FUCKING TRAIN YOU ABSOLUTE SCOURGE TO MANKIND.

"But the space next to me is open," you say. "I'm not blocking the whole entrance." Interesting point. Do me a favor? Today after you get home from work try and kill yourself with a claw hammer in just one swing. Do that for me, will you?

I don't know what it is, but for some reason I get subway rage as bad as drivers get road rage. All of a sudden, I'll disregard the fact that the dude who just "stepped stepped stopped" looks very similar to Deebo from Friday and just plow into the motherfucker. I feel like it's a personal responsibility of mine to inform the miscreints of this fair city that you will NOT break the social contract of the MTA without consequences. This, thankfully hasn't gotten me killed yet. Yet.

Dr. Pemulis's Good-Time Family Subway Solution: Dancers!

And no, I do not mean subway dancers like this:



I'm talking about a much more narcissistic type of subway dancer. The subway dancer I want to discuss with you today, dear reader, is the subway dancer who has headphones on and stares dreamily at their reflected surface on the door windows.

The dancer in question today was an older gentleman with slicked back hair in a partytail. He was bobbing his head up and down to what had to have been some kickin' hip hop (this particular type of dance/head-bob would seem quite out of place set to jazz fusion or the original cast recording of rent). And he stared at himself the entire 15 minutes I was on the train. I imagine he was envisioning himself as a mega rap star, surrounded by hot babes in leather bikinis. Did I mention this gentleman was wearing shorts and a looney toons t-shirt?

Anyway, my question is: what compels someone to do this? I personally was brought up with a sense of shame, and know that doing something so completely vain is something not socially acceptable, and will end with me feeling like a total asshole. Does this guy and every other person that does this not notice the other 50 people in the subway car, looking at them and trying not to laugh? Don't you have to know that everyone who looks at you is wondering what kind of stupid fucking moron you are?

If you or someone you know is one of these complete fuck-wits and would like to shed some light on the issue, please feel free to email me and explain.

UPDATE: Crazy Bitch Clones Dog, Not Self (Thankfully)

Alright kiddies, if you've already read this, follow me down to the bottom of the post for more ABSOLUTE FUCKING INSANITY. If you haven't read this post yet, it starts directly beneath this picture of two pitbulls making out. Do yourself a favor: go get you some crazy.

Fuglympic Gold Medal Relay Team poses after Shattering World Fugliness Record

Are you ready for the crazy? I mean really ready for it? You sure? Alright then...

Let's fuckin dance.

A woman who made news around the world when she had five pups cloned from her beloved pit bull Booger...[is] the same woman who 31 years earlier was accused of abducting a Mormon missionary in England, handcuffing him to a bed and making him her sex slave.

If you're hung-over, or high, or just brain-numbed from your boring, tedious, directionless, thankless, never ending Greek Mythology Torture-esque pattern of inanity that is a 9 to 5 job, I want you to read that quote over again. Let the true batshit craziness of it sink in.

Now I want you to know this: we haven't even gotten to the "pretending to be deaf/mute actors in Ireland to escape the fuzz" part.

Through tears, [Joyce "Fuckin' Looney" McKinney] explained that she went public with her efforts to replicate Booger, who died two years ago, hoping people would be able to focus on that story rather than the "garbage" of the past.

The "garbage" of you shackling up some dude and raping him repeatedly? Yeah, you wasting tens of thousands of dollars to "replicate" your dead dog is WAAAY more news-worthy than that "garbage."

"I thought people would be honest enough to see me as a person who was trying to do something good and not as a celebrity," McKinney said.

If it helps any, I don't think people see you as either. I'm pretty sure you're viewed more as a "crazy fucking bitch." Also, I don't recall ever being "honest enough to see" something. WTF's that even mean?

"My mother always taught me, 'Say something good or say nothing at all."'

Did your mother ever teach you, "Don't rape people?"

"I think I gave people too much credit"

Um...excuse me, miss?
YOU KIDNAPPED A MORMON, HANDCUFFED HIM TO A BED, RAPED HIM REPEATEDLY, AND NOW YOU FEEL THAT BECAUSE YOU'RE HAVING YOUR DEAD DOG (who you named FUCKING BOOGER) CLONED, YOU SHOULD BE APPLAUDED BY THE MASSES FOR DOING "SOMETHING GOOD?" FORREALLY REALZ?!?

Ahem. Sorry guys. I get a little emotional sometimes. Here. To bring some levity back into the room. Now, where were we? Ah yes, back to the crazy.

It's time to take a deeper look into what happened 31 years ago that made Joyce McKinney the, uh, "celebrity" she is now...

The story of Joyce McKinney is the stuff of pulp fiction: a North Carolina-born beauty queen who moved west, won the title Miss Wyoming USA and went on to college at Brigham Young University, where she became obsessed with a Mormon fellow student.

It should be noted that Ms. McKinney most likely moved to Wyoming to continue her "career" as a "beauty queen" because there are no attractive people in Wyoming. Whatsoever. At all. Thus making it easier for someone who looks like this to win a State Beauty Pageant:

[Insert Sound of Car Crash Here]

It should also be noted that MSNBC's article describes the victim as being "Mormon" every single solitary time he is brought up, like it's a contractual obligation they have with Mormonocity (that's what you call their practice, right?)

[McKinnley] and a male accomplice were accused of abducting the 21-year-old [Mormon] missionary as he went door to door [Mormonly], taking him [and his Mormonic ass] to a rented 17th-century "honeymoon cottage" in Devon and chaining him spread-eagle to a bed with several pairs of mink-lined handcuffs [Mormon].

Mink-lined handcuffs, eh? Well, I guess if you have to be a sex slave, the least you can hope for is to be a stylish one.

But why? Why would someone do such a terrible, traumatizing, torturous thing? Why, love of course!

Joyce McKinney said she'd fallen head-over-heels in love with the Mormon man and acknowledged tracking him to England. "I loved him so much," she told a judge, "that I would ski naked down Mount Everest in the nude with a carnation up my nose if he asked me to."

So...yeah. Don't really need a smart-ass comment for that one. Moving on...

But she denied a sexual assault, saying the young man was a willing partner.

What I imagine is some naked Mormon dude (no homo) running through the streets of Devon, England with handcuffs and bits of bedposts all over the place screaming something like "AAAAAAAAAGHGHGHGOMYGODHELPMESOMECRAZYBITCHBEENRAPINMEHELLLLLLLLLLLLLLP" and he finally found a police officer and explained his case and the cop was probably all "what're you, queer? That sounds awesome," to which the Mormon probably replied:

and the police officer was all "OH GOD NO" and "dude, I'm so SO sorry" and then they found this bitch, and arrested her and she was like "um, he...wanted to?"

AND Ms. McKinney is still harping on the same argument her defense attorneys (unsuccessfully) used three decades ago: the Mormon in question is a big dude.

"I didn't rape no 300-pound man," she said. "He was built like a Green Bay Packer."

Eloquently stated, Joyce. Although, there is the whole thing that he was
HANDCUFFED TO YOUR FUCKING BED, NOT TO MENTION THE ONLY THING ONE WOULD NEED TO EVEN THE PLAYING FIELD WITH A "300 lb MORMONIC GREEN BAY PACKER" IS A FUCKING ACCOMPLICE...WHICH YOU HAD. SO...YEAH.

Sorry again. You know how I get sometimes...it's only 'cause I love you.

So McKinney and her accomplice go to jail in London for 3 whole months. They are released on bail, and then...for those of you who thought I was joking about the "deaf/mute actor" thing before,

The pair then jumped bail, posing as deaf-mute actors in Ireland to board an Air Canada flight to Toronto and eventually a bus to Cleveland, where investigators lost their trail.

AirCanada Employee: Can I have yer tickets there, eh?

/Joyce and Accomplice stare, silent.

AirCanada Employee: Um, excuse me, but do you two hosers have tickets 'er not, cause...

/More staring, more silence

AirCanada Employee: Aw fer cryin out loud here!

AirCanada Manager: Watch yer language, eh!

AirCanada Employee: Saaaay, yer not those deaf-myoot acters they told us ta look out fer, are ya?

/Joyce and Accomplice shrug, nod.

AirCanada Employee: Well why didn't ya say so! Oop, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA didja here what I just said there, why...didn't...ya...say... ::sigh:: Welp, let's get you ta Toronto, eh?

So Joyce McKinney, dog lover, rapist, and apparent International Crazy Bitch of Mystery disappears into the bustling metropolis of Cleavland, a city so alive, so vibrant, they named pooping on someone's chest after it.

Life went on pretty normally for McKinney (read: she was arrested again for stalking the same poor Mormon, and police found rope and handcuffs in her car and again she found a way to disappear right before her trial) as she tried to cope with the trauma that comes with raping someone...apparently.

"It's taken years of therapy to get past this," she said. "We go to church and serve the Lord and try to lead good lives and do good things."

Years of therapy...for...her? I'm sorry but I've seen Misery, and not once during that film do I think, "man, Kathy Bates's character really has it rough, torturing this dude and keeping him captive. Men are pigs!"

And then...the pitbull cloning. Lotsa mini-Boogers. And from what I can tell through all of the research I've done (including and limited to reading this article), it seems like she wanted it to be a big news story. And I can't imagine that she really thought no one was going to notice who she was...I mean, it's almost like she's...how do you say it...ah yes, crazy as all fucking get-out.

McKinney said that, as far as she's concerned, the Joyce McKinney of 31 years ago doesn't exist. She maintains her innocence and says the woman of all those years ago is a "figment of the tabloid press. ... I don't want that garbage in with the puppy story."

This is EXACTLY why I always end my craigslist personal ads with "No Fatties, No Crazies (but mostly no fatties)."

CRAZY ASS UPDATE: CRAZY ASS BITCH OUT-CRAZIES CRAZY ASS SELF (CRAZY)

This bitch makes me want to dance around singing scat while throwing computer monitors at my workplace naked wearing a top hat.

I just want to feel the craziness that is this chick's every day life...even for one fleeting, beautiful moment.

A woman who made headlines by having five pups cloned and was linked to an abduction case in England is also wanted in Tennessee on charges she tried to plan a burglary in 2004, a defense attorney and prosecutors there said.

Pfffft...burglary? Come on, MSNBC...give the people what they want...give 'em the fucking CRAZY:

Authorities said she instructed a 15-year-old boy to break into a house, and [her poor, poor public defendant] Crockett said she needed the money to buy a false leg for a beloved horse.

YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!

Now that's some goooooooood crazy. So, let's review...This bitch:

1. Fell in love at college - Not Crazy
2. Followed her Mormonic crush to England (unbeknownst to him), hired someone to help her chain him down on a bed and proceeded to rape him until he escaped and ran to the cops. Pleaded not guilty, claimed sex was consensual - Decidedly Fucking Crazy
3. Jumped bail and fled back to America - Ballsy, but not necessarily crazy...it would depend on how she--
4. Posed as a deaf/mute Irish actor in order to jump bail via Air Canada - OMFG Crazy
5. Acquires a horse who somehow loses a leg (kept it chained to the bed a lil' too long, didn't ya, McKinney?) and enlists the help of a 15 year old (that she befriended? bribed with candy? taught about the "birds and the bees?" /throws up a little in mouth) to rob someone for fake horse leg funds? - Championship Quality Fucking Crazy

And then of course, there's the cloning of a dead dog named Booger. Jeez...this bitch is like, exhaustingly insane. I can really picture her sitting in her shanty just dreaming up new crazy-ass highjinks to blow people's minds.

Anyhoo, they find this heifer with a 15 year old in her van and they arrest her, right? And obviously if this bitch is sending little tikes on B&E missions for dough, she can't afford an attorney...welp, that's about the time the cloud started to cover the sun in public defender David Crockett's world. He had landed him a crazy and a--

Hold up. David Crockett? Like Davey Crockett? I wonder if people always sing that song around him?

"Yes, they do, and it annoys the shit out of me," said Crockett.

Right then. Moving along...well it seems as though either through the random fates or a judge's affinity towards buddy comedies, Joyce McKinney was paired up with Crockett, who, judging by his quotes, seems like an English butler circa 1784.

"There was a strong aroma about her, and I told her this needed to be taken care of before I went to court with her," Crockett said. "She was a rather bizarre character, and seems to have a strange circumstance now."

Can you imagine these two across the table from each other?

Crockett: Ms. McKinney, it is imperative that your aesthetic presence besuits a lady who's-- I'm sorry, what is that aromatic attrocity?

/McKinney reaches into pants, produces small bit of feces, slams feces onto table, giggles, deficates more

McKinney: Horsey!!!

Crockett: Oh my.

Priest Sets Up Beauty Pageant for Nuns: Everyone Loses - UPDATE!!!

'Miss Sister 2008' will show that nuns aren't all old and dour.

An Italian priest and theologian said Sunday he is organizing an online beauty pageant for nuns to give them more visibility within the Catholic Church and to fight the stereotype that they are all old and dour.

As someone who went to Catholic school from age 5 to age 23, I think can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that all nuns are both old, and dour. Also, more visibility within the church? What does that even mean? Every nun I've met taught at the school and didn't seem to do much else. They don't let women become priests so it's not like they're saying mass or something. And I think we all know that any even remotely attractive lady thinking of becoming a nun leaves the convent to find better things to do, like teach a family how to love.

The "Miss Sister 2008" contest will start in September on a blog run by the Rev. Antonio Rungi and will give nuns from around the world a chance to showcase their work and their image.

I find it pretty hilarious that this priest has a godblog. And that the first thing he's doing on it is putting up pictures of babes. Rock on reverend.

"Nuns are a bit excluded, they are a bit marginalized in ecclesiastical life," Rungi told The Associated Press after Italian media carried reports of the idea. "This will be an occasion to make their contribution more visible."

So their contribution is... being good looking? I'm not really sure I understand. Is it going to be pictures of nuns in bikinis feeding the homeless? You know Nuns used to have to take a mans name when they became Nuns? Sister John Thomas. They only recently changed it. This was not because they were getting grade-A tail applying for nunships.

"We are not going to parade nuns in bathing suits," Rungi said by telephone from his town of Mondragone. "But being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn't hide it."

Oh. But so then what will they be wearing? External beauty is a gift from God, which is why only the ugly nuns wear habits. I'd like to think there is a memo somewhere with the list of requirements for becoming a nun. 1. Must be a lady. 2. Must really love God. Like more than a friend. 3. Preferably ugly, though not required.

Rungi said the idea was first suggested to him by nuns with whom he regularly prays and works. He hopes there will be dozens of submissions once the Web site is started.

"...through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen." "That was a great prayer Tony, by the way, don't you think people on the internet would want to see me and maybe some of my friends wearing something revealing?" "Dear God. Yes."

The contest drew criticism from the association of Catholic teachers.

Can't imagine what objections they'd have to this clearly well thought out and genius plan...

"It's an initiative that belittles the role of nuns who have dedicated themselves to God," the group's president, Alberto Giannino, told Italy's ANSA news agency on Sunday.

I don't really see how it belittles them, as long as the website is rolled out with a calendar of priests dressed as firemen - equality people. Equality.

Hey look, I went this whole post without making a joke about touching little kids! That shits too easy, I'm too clever for that. Besides, I'm still all warped and shit from when I was molested as an altar boy. In his defense, I spent most of seventh grade dressing like a goddamn slut and was practically begging for it.

TOTALLY UNSEXY UPDATE:

The pageant was cancelled :(

An Italian priest, who had planned an online "pageant" for nuns, has suspended the project, saying he was misinterpreted and had no intention of putting sisters on a beauty catwalk.

Nope, he just wanted them to submit pictures of themselves on the internet, which could only go super well with no chance of backfiring or causing problems!

"My superiors were not happy. The local bishop was not happy, but they did not understand me either," Father Antonio Rungi told Reuters by telephone from his convent in southern Italy on Tuesday.

Of course he's not pointing out that the possible reason they didn't understand him is because the idea made zero sense and was idiotic from the get-go, but maybe he'll clarify...

"It was not at all my intention to put nuns on the catwalk," said Rungi, a priest of the Passionists religious order, speaking from his convent in the town of Mondragone.

Oh, ok great. Now that you've repeatedly stated what you didn't want to do, any chance of you telling us exactly what you did want to do then? No? Awesome.

Rungi, a theologian and schoolteacher from the Naples area, wrote in his blog that his intention was to show "the interior beauty" of a nun and the work she does for the Church and for society, mostly in education and health care.

So you see, what he wanted was for people to vote on which nun's physical picture made you think "interior beauty model". He even had a slogan for the website all ready to go: Go online and vote for the lady who makes you go "Oooooh an she helpin the poor all sexy-like...on the inside"

"We have to draw more attention to the world of nuns, who are often not sufficiently appreciated by society," he wrote, adding that he had hoped his initiative would help boost sagging vocations to religious lie.

I can only assume that that should read life and is [sic], or maybe msnbc is subtly being anti-christian. Bill Donahue where are you?! Either way it made me chuckle.