New Favoritest Commercial Ever? New. Favoritest. Commerical. EVER.

Fuckin just check this shit out


Be honest with me. This was someone's Junior High School project for Social Studies class right? I mean, this isn't

The Our Country Deserves Better PAC has begun running spots in Alaska — two 60-second ads, and two 30-second versions — that pay tribute to Palin, with plans to expand the ad buy to the rest of the country sometime this week.

They...this...so, ok. The "Our Country Deserves Better" [assumedly they don't mean "better" than the far right bumpkin fucktard currently running our country into the shitter...they mean "better" than the dark-skinned fella. -Ed.] group decides that since John McCain and Sarah Palin lost the election...a smart way to spend money...during a recession...would be to make a commercial...thanking?..Sarah Palin...to...um...convince someone...of something?..and so they ran the commercial in Alaska...which is probably the only place on Planet Earth where people don't need to be convinced that Ms. Palin is anything more than a MILF about 5-10 years past her "freshness" date.

You know, I really haven't done a "HAHAHAHAHAHAAHHAHAHAHA FUCK YOU EVERYONE WHO VOTED FOR BUSH IN 2000 AND 2004 AND VOTED FOR MCCAIN IN 2008: THERE'S A BLACK MAN IN THE WHITE HOUSE NOW, SO YOU MIGHT AS WELL GO KILL YOURSELVES" type article since the election (Obama won, btw), so I'm going to go play by play on this little gem.

0:00 - 0:10 - Ok, so some dude who looks like he really wants to sell you a used '87 Buick or ask if you've been injured at work and need representation is standing next to a graphic of a Thanksgiving feast.

Governor Sarah Palin, as Americans sit down to their Thanksgiving dinners of turkey, or moose, a grateful nation wishes to say "thank you."

Wow, ok. So maybe I bit off a little more than I can chew. I'll try not to make this 20,000 words. 18,500 tops, I promise. A few items:

A)Palin supporters: Stop being proud of the fact that she is a fucking yokel. I get the whole "I want someone I relate to in the White House" thing (actually, I DON'T get it, because I sure as shit couldn't run this nation and I wouldn't want anyone I could relate to trying to run it either) but this whole "she eats moose like all us real people do" thing is fucktarded. No one eats moose. Except for fucking Eskimos and mountain hobos, ok? That does NOT equal "president material."

B) WHAT IN THE SHIT ARE "WE" THANKING HER FOR?!? For coming into a 2 year long campaign in the last 2 months and perhaps costing McCain the presidency? For having the political integrity to go on Saturday Night Live and "raise the roof" while someone dances in a moose costume nearby? Like, seriously. Come. On.

0:11 - 0:18 - footage from Palin's Klan rallies- er, campaign functions, and some voiceover.

Something Something Blah Blah Articluate [are you fucking serious? -Ed.] Common Sense Blah Blah Blah

Calling Sarah Palin articulate is like calling my obsese cousin with Down Syndrome a "charmer." It's just insulting.

0:19 - 0:25 - "We Deserve Better" would like you to know that Gov. Palin's the REAL hero here, for raising her son...in a manner...that made him go into the army..? I'm guessing the army is composed of about 30% young men and women who want to serve their country and protect our civil liberties while helping to promote peace around the world and the other 70% just really wanted to be able to shoot at people without running the risk of being arrested. Just saying.

0:26 - 0:30 - I guess this is sorta the emblematic "Sarah Palin" family here. They have like 8 kids and the wife looks about 19. Right on track!

0:31 - 0:34 - Holy Goodness it's a negro! Kill it! Kill it! Oh wait, what? He's here for the commercial? Oh. Really? Hm. Ok. Give him a cowboy hat or something, make him less scary.

0:35 - 0:35.5 - Wilford Brimley would like to ask the Lord to bless Ms. Palin. This is hilarious. They probably had this guy up and talking for like 2 hours straight, and the only sentence he said the entire time without the "N word" in it was "God bless you, Governor Palin"

0:36 - 0:41 - I'm going to give it to them here. They really created a solid strong, multi-layered image, here. The image of everything that's wrong with Americans. Ok, so we have a pair of overweight cheesey ass Midwesterners. And next to them is an image of Gov. Palin in what looks like a K-Mart.

"You've inspired us!"

To fucking WHAT? Hm? Like "oh this conservative religious kook is such a breath of fresh air!

0:42 - 0:44 - "Thank you, Sarah Palin." aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that's it. Fucking brilliant. What an argument! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS COMMERCIAL TRYING TO ACCOMPLISH!?!?!?!

0:45 - 0:48 - Um...

At a time when so many politicians have seemed to let us down, you've given us hope.

/head explodes

Hope for WHAT?!? She DID let you down, remember? Remember the reason she was going from bumblefuck swapmeet to bumblefuck swapmeet stirring up hatred and bigotry? SHE WAS RUNNING FOR VICE PRESIDENT. AND LOST. What - I just..its' ao ;g/ newa;oiavaj ;ome; e gjow r;g'iera;msdcqa;weidogaj iowemlakdsvj;lkrdswheiucvaniuo
Ahem. Sorry.

Ok skipping ahead....alright, big crowd, terribly cheap graphics, "THANK YOU SARAH PALIN" - glad to see they changed it up there, really shows the arc in the story line, and -- AH WAIT STOP! The money shot:

0:53 - Random fat bitch pops onto screen and asks about Sarah's moose chilli recipe.

I can only hope that at the completion of this commercial SOMEBODY involved got to see a screening of it and killed themselves as a result. My money's on the black guy.

Brent Cocklog's Cockblog: Reason 1,453,058,839,232,983 Women Shouldn't be Able to Vote

I just thought I'd point out that this is not only a story MSNBC decided to subject its readers to yesterday, for most of the day, it was their TOP STORY.

So, on a newsday where an Oscar-winning actress has been subject to some truly terrible shit, where the World Series could've ended with the losingest team in sports history taking the World Championship, and with two presidential candidates sprinting across America to gain votes in an extremely close election, the ThinkTank over at MSNBC has decided that this is the big story of the day:

"Mothers and Daughters Occaisionally Disagree When Voting for President"

That's right. MSNBR (the "R" stands for "Fucking Moronic Idiot-Ass Retards") has decided that the fact that occaisionally people disagree on politics despite the fact that one of those people came out of the other one's vagina was newsworthy.

You're wondering: Well Brent, if it's so un-newsworthy, why are you about to write about it?

My reply: Shut your whoring mouth before I'm forced to stuff something in it, if you know what I mean.

It wasn’t supposed to be like this. Karen and

My penis. Is what I was referencing earlier. When I said that bit about stuffing something into your mouth. Anyway,

It wasn’t supposed to be like this.

Really? This might just be the most inconsequential article written since EVER and you begin it with a melodramatic movie trailer-esque sentence like that? MSNBC writer Melissa Dahl, you are NO Courtney Hazlett, and you never will be.

Oh yea...report the SHIT outta that non-story...

Karen and Kristen Ingraham, who’ve always been more BFF than mother and daughter, were united in their rabid support of Sen. Hillary Clinton.

OMG BFF LMFAO :)))))))!!!!!111!!!! Kill yourself.

Oh and if you're a mom who's more "BFF" than mother to your daughter, CONGRATULATIONS!!! You're a bad parent. I will give points to Melissa for describing their support for Senator Clinton as "rabid." Why?

Woof.

"Since Kristen was born, it's always been ‘Just you and me, kid.’ She finishes my sentences,” says single mom Karen Ingraham

NoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCares. No. One. Cares.

“We've never had an argument about anything important — maybe about a $100 dollar pair of blue jeans."

A pair of pants would be considered an "important" mother-daughter issue?

"It's just shocking."

No. It's not. NoOneCaresNoOneCaresNoOneCares.

For mothers and daughters, fights over the political often feel very personal,

Mostly because women are stupid and can't partake in a debate without feeling like they're being insulted because the WHOLE FUCKING WORLD REVOLVES AROUND THEM AND THEY HAVE TO GO OUT EVERY TUESDAY BECAUSE IT'S FUCKING GIRLS NIGHT AND MEANWHILE I'M HOME EATING A GODDAMNED PEANUT BUTTER AND JELLY SANDWICH FOR DINNER AND JACKING OFF TO SCRAMBLED SOFT PORN BECAUSE WHILE WE CAN BUY FUCKING $250 SHOES WE "CAN'T AFFORD" HBO.

In a related story, I'm not bitter.

Ok so this is where the true idiocy of this article rears it's ugly (and fat) head. Not only did they decide to write an article with no actual relevance to anything at all whatsoever at all whatsoever, they decided that a good source for quotes would be literally the stupidest mother-daughter combination that the world hath ever bore. Take it away ladies:

"It's kind of depressing, because she says things that zing," mother Karen Ingraham says.

"She also puts rings on things and wings on kings WOOOOOO!!!" Sorry.

She says, ‘Every time I look at (McCain), all I see is old. He's just old, mom.’

That is mama's idea of zing? "And that Governor Palin! Her gender is female! AND she wears glasses! That means she has vision problems, MOM!!!"

I go, "well, I'm getting old!”

WELL THEN YOU FUCKING SUCK TOO, MOM!!!

It’s arguments like that that make her 26-year-old daughter want to scream. “It's almost like, you know, she's being tricked!”

No, like, I don't, like, know, Miss Piggy. Mind explaining?

“And you want to point it out to her — you want to shake her and say, 'You're falling for it!' — but you can't say that, 'cause it's your mother!"

This is actually kind of refreshing. I don't know many completely F-tardedly ignorant Obama supporters. I'd email this to some of my conservative friends to piss them off if I didn't categorically hate everyone who has so much as one single conservative ideal.

“She used to be really good at seeing both sides — but that's probably because we've always been on the same side," Karen Ingraham says.

God I wish they had some sort of stenographer present at interviews like these, just so this bitch could really appreciate how fucking stupid she just sounded.

Alright, there are like 3 other mom and daughter pairings in the article, but this shit is getting exhausting.

WHO WANTS BOOBIES?!?

Public Service

Hello 'Mauf Divers! Since I was too high to figure out the "Donate $5 to Obama via the Inter-Webs" last night, I thought I'd do my service to making this country a slightly better place by posting this video from the Daily Show. It should be played over and over and seen by as many people as possible...I know it's not a secret that the GOP consists of hypocritical lumps of shit, but here's video proof!

God bless America. And me. But mostly me.

The Empire Strikes Barack

awesome.

"Bro, you're not wearing your Abercrombie shirt tonite?"