School District Allows Teachers to Carry Guns. Guess Which State?

In the latest challenge to the rest of the world's taint-brained idiots, Texas, the state that gave us Hold 'Em Poker and killing retards, just stepped it up a notch.

In an effort to protect against gun violence, a small Texas school district has decided to flood their schools with firearms. Ow, fuck!

Sorry. That just left my brain butt-hurt.

School experts backed [David "Complete Fucking Dumbass"] Thweatt's claim that Harrold, a system of about 110 students 150 miles northwest of Fort Worth, may be the first to let teachers bring guns to the classroom.

A few items:

1. Kill yourself with a blunt object, David Thweatt. Or you can use a gun...there's now one available in EVERY CLASSROOM.
2. Of fucking COURSE you're the first ones to do this, it's a FUCKTARDED idea. If you were to allow teacher/student dating at your elementary school , you'd have another "first." Doesn't mean it's "pioneering."
3. There are 110 students in the system. Not in a school. Not in a grade. From Pre-K to 12th (like Texans even need a 12th grade, but whatevs, it's there) there are one hundred and ten students. Are you really afraid one of the 3 kids in your 8th grade math class is going to go on a massacre?
4. If I were an 8th grade math student who wanted to go on a massacre, a good place to do it would be this district, 'cause there's already a FUCKING GUN AVAILABLE IN EVERY CLASSROOM.

It's terrible that I'm giddily anticipating this, but I almost can't WAIT until a 9 year is blown away by his slack-jawed gym teacher for "runnin' at me all menacin'-like." Seriously, present me with a scenario where arming Texan teachers with semi-autos in a tiny backwoods-ass school district produces a positive outcome and you win a prize.

"We have a lock-down situation, we have cameras, but the question we had to answer is, 'What if somebody gets in? What are we going to do?" he said. "It's just common sense."

What...if..."someone"...gets in? How the fuck is that a question you "had" to answer?
HEY QUEEF-FOR-BRAINS, THERE'S 110 STUDENTS IN THE ENTIRE FUCKING DISTRICT, WHEN'S THE LAST TIME YOU'VE EVEN SEEN A STRANGER YOU COW TIPPING SISTER FUCKING BUMPED-YOUR-HEAD-DIVING-INTO-THE-SHALLOW-END-OF-THE-GENE-POOL CUD FUCKERS???

There hasn't been, to my knowledge, one single fucking instance in the history of this nation where some random dude(s) ran up into a school and shot people for the fuck of it. It's approximately 10,000,000,000,000.001% more likely to be someone from the inside, like a student...or a recently armed teacher.

Get Bent, Phelps! We Have a NEW Champion in Town

YAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!!! Where am I?

My Dad once said, "Everyone is the best in the world at something. The trick is to find out what's your something and try to make a living off it."

Actually he didn't say that at all, although I sorta wish he did. Might've made me reach for the stars a little more and maybe I wouldn't be in a dead-end office job blogging all God-Damned day.

I digress. What my dad actually said is "if you get 10 DWI's, you're probably going to get life in prison."

Kenneth Chris Oneal, 58, received the maximum sentence Thursday after jurors convicted him of driving while intoxicated-repetition, his 10th drunken-driving related offense.

Mr. Oneal was given a standing ovation as he arrived at the precinct, and after a brief puke-and-rally, he was awarded the Texas State DWI Championship, and even received a phone call from the previous title holder.

Hey, ya ever do "Frosted Donuts?" It's where you do a TON of coke, right, and then you-- oh, hold on, my boss just came in. (puts down phone) Yes, Karl?

The offense was a felony because he had at least two such convictions in the past, prosecutors said.

Makes sense. Except wasn't this the seventh fucking time that he had "at least two such convictions?" Like really, times 7, 8, and 9 everyone was like "oh, Idunno. I'll bet he doesn't do it again. Seems like a nice guy." Fuckin' Texans.

Ben Hoover, lead prosecutor in the case, said Oneal also had previously been convicted of assault and failure to stop and render aid.

I'm not sure on that last one. Something tells me that if I'm in an accident in Witchita, Texas:

1. God have mercy on my Left-Wing Hip Hop lovin' soul

2. I don't want someone with 10 DWI's stopping to assist me with anything other than directions to the nearest Brew-Thru.

"The jury handed down a big sentence, but it was a just sentence," Hoover said. "The jury apparently took this offense seriously and wanted to send a message that a multiple-DWI offender was not going to be allowed back on the roads of Wichita County."

Way to send that message, Witchita! If you're thinking about getting caught driving drunk and endangering the lives of everyone around you 11 times you've got another think coming!!!

Mr. Oneal would have been up for the death penalty, but the judge decided to take it off the table upon learning that Oneal wasn't actually retarded, just a Texan.